Search - Cerberus on DVD

"Terrible" is an understatement.

Andariel Halo | Phenomynouss@hotmail etc is my e-mail | 09/16/2007

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Being as this was a Sci-Fi original movie, and Sci-Fi Channel's reputation for churning out these kind of crappy movies all the time, I didn't expect much in the way of special effects quality or acting quality. But the end result was too much of a joke to even dismiss as "It's so bad it's good".


The plot is a convoluted mess failing to properly mix elements of Greek mythology, Hunnic history, and Christianity in an abortion of a myth involving a Celtic-looking Attila digging up a rusty sword and making an offering to Satan to make him a god and make his sword make him invincible. For some reason, Satan has Cerberus guard the sword and Attila's corpse in hell.

Then it extends into modern times, with a plot so poorly thought out using modern ideas like "nukes" and ransoming nations and drinking beer, you can't help but think someone here was fired from making spaghetti action films in the early 90s. A rich Asian man hires some empty-headed Americans to steal Attila's breastplate (which amounts to a thin sheet of metal so flimsy it could shatter at any moment) from a museum in some foreign country (as noted by their 'foreign accents'). Because of one of the idiotic American's trigger-happiness, an important potential hostage is killed, and so they have to kidnap another woman and her brother and use them to get to Attila's sword.


What little believable plot is left at this point simply fades away as it turns out this Asian guy mysteriously has a stockpile of nuclear weapons and yet plans on using the sword to threaten nations. The American mercenary who gets the sword starts acting like a drunken idiot, spouting the worst cliche' lines in history and randomly attacking people in some Transylvanian village tavern.


The actors are some of the worst pack you're likely to find outside of pornography, and the dialogue would make some porno movies look like Oscar-worthy performances. Most of the character's lines, especially the Americans, consist of terrible cliche's like "who let the dog out?" and such exchanges about Greek myth like:

American Woman: Orpheus tamed Cerberus using a lyre.
American Doofus: Don't look at me!


HAHAHA! STUPID PUNS!

The special effects are terrible, the ending horribly done, and all in all it was a bad way to spend a lonely Sunday afternoon in the middle of September."

Cerberus

Double D | Illinois | 01/14/2007

(3 out of 5 stars)

"Plot: Steal the sword of Attilla the Hun...unleash a 3-headed dog(made of BAD CGI) to wreak havoc amongst a village in the hills of BFE...bring in good guy and good girl to save the day...

OK, my take on this...

not really a BAD movie...typical plot line...BAD CGI...definitely not worth the $24 to spend on it...I can think of a LOT of other things to spend $24 bucks on...good for maybe 1/2 price rental...

but I actually did like it...would have been better if it had GOOD CGI...goes down as a "good" movie after drinking a few beers late at night"

Well, they tried

Somekid | America | 05/07/2006

(3 out of 5 stars)

"The scifi channel (as usual) manages to try and create a could-be-awesome movie and fails to deliver. They kinda sorta stuck true to the legend and all but everything is ruined by bad CGI, I recommend this movie only to scifi channel movie fans. Its hard rating this one, it'd be more like a 5/10."