Search - KISS: Animalized Live and Uncensored on DVD

No shame

Cliff A. Schnurer | Yonkers, New York | 10/19/2009

(2 out of 5 stars)

"I wonder if anyone at this show were bothered by the fact that Simmons and Stanley spend more time staring and making faces at the camera, than playing to the audience. Stanley, in particular, is so obsessed with making goofy faces at the camera, you have to wonder if he even remembered there was an audience in front of him. They open with "Detroit, Rock City" for the 2,047th time. Stanley is so concerned with impressing himself, he manages to forget an entire verse, and sings the "12 o'clock" verse twice.

God forbid we actually see any of Bruce's solos. No, no, we can't get the spotlight off of Stanley and Simmons, even for a few seconds. So when you hear Bruce playing his solos, you get to see close-ups of Simmons and Stanley shaking their asses, rather than see Bruce's fingers. During the solo to "Fits Like A Glove", however, we are treated to a split-second shot of Bruce's FACE. How kind. And while Bruce is shredding during "Under The Gun", we are treated yet again to the Stanley and Simmons Dance Show, from multiple angles. Great. Of course, when Stanley plays the little 5 note riff midway through the song, we get a close-up of him throughout, making faces as though he had to practice his whole life, just to play it.

While Bruce rips through the solo to "Thrills In The Night", we are treated to a great slow-motion shot of Stanley not only jumping 2 feet in the air, but running at the same time. Wow. Almost as good as the shot of Stanley sucking on his finger during "Heaven's On Fire." Thank goodness that shot was in slow-mo also; we wouldn't wanna miss that! There are some great non-threatening shots of Bruce (i.e. shots of him NOT playing beyond Simmons and Stanley's capabilities) just standing behind a mic, pretending to be singing backup, when in fact he just has his face up to the mic (see "Fits Like A Glove"). Maybe he was trying to hide? Why bother showing his solos, when we can see this? This concert was no doubt edited with Simmons and Stanley standing behind the editor, holding a gun to his head.

Now, of all things, it was bad enough that Bruce didn't even get his own solo. But Stanley? He barely PLAYS his guitar throughout the show. He seems to feel important running around and jumping while holding a guitar, but not actually playing it. Is this guy cool, or what??? Maybe he was resting his fingers for his four-minute "solo", when he showcases his undeniable skills by repeatedly pointing at the crowd. It's hard to believe he goes up there playing some simple pull-offs for a few minutes, and then playing cheering section games with the crowd for another few minutes, while there is no solo for Bruce. We do get treated to another great Simmons bass solo. He manages to stretch six notes into 4 minutes. Why play another song, when we can hear that instead?

This show was also heavily dubbed. There are guitar harmonics coming through the speaker system, when both Stanley and Kulick are not playing them. In particular, listen to "Cold Gin." Toward the end, Kulick is clearly not playing the harmonics, while Stanley is on the floor doing a Richard Simmons impersonation, while his guitar hangs from his neck helplessly, asking, "Why am I here?"

Before a cool version of "Love Gun", we must endure one of Stanley's 5 minute "I had to pay a visit to the doctor" stories, rather than having the band play an extra song. He wastes additional time by describing the jeans he was wearing ("you know, those Levis, tight, 401s?") I'm sure the audience members were all wondering, "I wonder what jeans he was wearing that day?" It's hard to believe he actually sat around writing that stuff.

Eric Carr was a big highlight of this show. Thank goodness he was allowed to have a drum solo. Of course, Stanley can't just say "Eric Carr on the Drums!" He has to add his two cents: "He may look like a boy, but he's built like a man!" Maybe someone should have told Stanley, those words don't sound quite right, coming from another guy. "I Still Love You", "War Machine" (with Simmons forgetting the "let the arrows fly" verse), and "Black Diamond" were other highlights of the show. We actually get to see ALL four members playing, as well as a cool part of the stage show (during "Black Diamond"). Too bad when Stanley yells "Detroit, we love you" at the end, he sounds like someone just stepped on his balls. "Young And Wasted" is good as well, despite having to be subjected to Simmons' antics. "Let's see, Eric is singing this one; how can I get attention?" Gene must have wondered. We find the answer soon enough, with Simmons running around the stage holding panties. This guy is so cool!

For their encore, they play "Rock And Roll All Nite" (WHAT A SHOCK!). It actually sounded pretty good, until they turn it into an 8-minute song. We get to see Stanley at his absolute worst. He attempts some kind of half-ass Stevie Wonder impersonation, then starts moaning into the microphone like a chick in a porno movie. If that doesn't get you sick, watching Stanley swing on a rope and beat his chest like King Kong, probably will. But why stop there? Stanley is on such a roll showcasing his talent, he wraps the mic chord around his neck! Then he unwraps it! Wow!!

This is why this show hasn't been given a proper DVD release, and was left off of the Kissology box set. Judging by the way they edited down most of the other concerts in the Kissology box set series, this would probably be edited down to 4 or 5 songs, and Eric Carr's solo. Stanley and Simmons would be very embarrassed, and rightfully so. Before other reviewers, who obviously will praise EVERYTHING that Kiss does, criticize me the way they criticized the "mechanic", they should criticize Stanley and Simmons. They have released most of Kiss' recorded shows (at least in edited form), even the sloppy, mistake filled Largo show from '79. But they won't even touch this, even in edited form. Their actions speak alot louder, than my words."