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I like antique bookshelves, and I enjoy them filled with novels and dvds. It is far from a pretentious quirk, as these shelves are filled with Air Bud movies as well as Mr. Men books, Mr. Nobody being my favorite. Once and awhile I'll crack open an inventive tome such as Finnegans Wake, or watch a deep movie like Another Earth, so I'm really interested in any and every genre imaginable. If you have a hidden gem you'd like to recommend, please do.

Manchester, New Hampshire is known for two things; The term “High Muckety-Muck” was coined there, and more recently Manchester has become the adopted home of the Littlest Little Peeper. Nobody knows when the Littlest Little Peeper first made its way to this New Hampshire town, but every night around dusk, the woods surrounding Manchester are filled with the Littlest Little Peepers cheerful song. Folks from miles around come to Manchester just to peek at the adorable Peeper, and a whole cottage industry has sprung up around Manchesters most famous citizen. One can buy stuffed toy Peepers, Peeper pencil tops, and, of course, “The Littlest Little Peeper ate my baby” bumper stickers. Does the Littlest Little Peeper really eat babies? According to the local folklore, on moonless nights the Littlest Little Peeper will soar into young mothers homes, and eat her baby whole. And while this is a frightening story, it is, of course, only a story. The truth is far, far worse. Since the Peepers migration to the Manchester area, an unfathomable number of babies have simply disappeared, their bodies never recovered. In the three months since the Peeper first appeared in the Manchester area, over seven hundred babies disappeared, nearly three hundred from the Elliot Hospital. Most families have left Manchester, the folks who stayed are older, or infertile, and most are turning a tidy profit selling their official “Littlest Little Peeper Marshmallow Babies,” “Baby-Q Sauce,” and the very popular “Disappearing Kids.” The whole town smells like death…

If you plan on visiting the Littlest Little Peeper I suggest the following, leave the kids at home. If you’ve got young ones, better to err on the side of safety. Leave them with a sitter in a neighboring township, or if you must bring them, keep them hidden under the car seat in a rubber suit. The Littlest Little Peeper cannot smell through rubber. Have caution. Remember, the Peeper is a wild animal. Don’t let its diminutive nickname and fuzzy appearance fool you. This thing is natures perfect killing machine. Stay at least three hundred yards away, and out of sight. If it sees you, it will kill you. One in six who see the Peeper don’t live to tell about it, and of the remaining five, four generally suffer some serious injury or loss of limb. Don’t get out of your car, don’t take its picture, and don’t look it in the eyes. It hates that, and if you do it, it will kill you. Screaming doesn’t help. Screaming just excites the Peeper’s “blood lust”. High-pitched sounds of any kind will drive it to a killing frenzy. Low-pitched sounds will activate its reproductive cycle, which drives it to a killing frenzy. Medium-range sounds are safest, although even then there’s a 50 percent chance it will go into a killing frenzy. Don’t make a sound, and don’t move. It’s motion-sensitive, and if it sees you move, it will most likely kill you. Don’t bother shooting it, either. Bullets just bounce off its thick hide and drive it to a killing frenzy. If you plan on visiting the Littlest Little Peeper, or Manchester in general, I suggest the following, change your mind.


mondaythemoose@yahoo.com