Quick lets get this out with 'skull' before Indiana Jones...
stature | tu | 12/10/2008
(1 out of 5 stars)
This movie is horrid. Where to begin? The direction was like what a film school student rushed to complete a project might have done. Seems like everyone that had an idea threw it into the mix. First let's throw 'temple of skulls' in the title before Indiana Jones comes out. Treasure map - yes! Wrap some strings around Allan's wrist like Johnny Depp. Oh and a cool Indy hat! Make Allan brusque. Yes, women love to be treated to rudeness they fall in love with that!
The budget won't let us hire good actors. Okay let's get this over-acting humongous-toothed guy to snarl at every little thing! Perfect! He is really scarey. Train chase scene! Cool, and then they jump off the train and the bad guy still chases the train but can't figure out to drive back when he sees the train is empty. Yes, too easy to spot people on the open plains so move on to the next scene and hope no one noticed. Our hero needs to have a sad back story to explain why he has no woman (currently). Also to explain the lack of interest in his lovely maid. But wait! She is not just a lovely maid!
Hey! someone was watching a horror film that had a swarm of bugs, let's make our hero and his friends fear for their lives because of a swarm of bugs that flies overhead with not a single bug landing on any of them. Because they were behind a rock and bugs just zoomed by. Because bugs are scarey. Because bugs won't look behind the rock. Because bugs fly by. Oh and the bad guy was able to disappear and be safe allofasudden too but not by hanging out behind the same rock, we don't know where in the plains he disappeared to. But our actors get really scared because of the bugs flying by. Let's move to the next scene and hope no one noticed.
Oh yeah, insert here that the girl has to twist her ankle so Allan can use his superior diagnostic ability in medical matters and tell her she twisted the ankle. Then the girl won't limp the rest of the way because that would be annoying and too predictable. She should walk like nothing happened.
Then they are captured! Then there is the bad guy again! Then the maid has a surprise and helps them! Then they are inside a cave and the ground breaks apart for no reason! Scarey stuff! Then the girl is captured by bad guy! Then he shoots her! Yes! Then Allan is suddenly in love with the girl - don't worry, the girl is just fine and doesn't even have a headache. Then everything is fine and they all force themselves to smile big at the end (oh the painfully long big forced smiles scene). The end. Um, what temple of skulls? Who said there was a temple of skulls? That's just the name, we are not confined as artists to make a movie that is about a temple of skulls just because that is the title of the movie. If you looked for a temple then that is where you went wrong. Allan had a map to the King Solomon mines."
apoem | Bosque Farms, NM USA | 04/11/2010
(1 out of 5 stars)
"I don't generally give poor reviews but let me say this one is horrible in every way. Horrible acting, horrible follow through on characters, horrible segues between scenes and on and on.
There is a lot of walking. They don't drive when they can, they walk. They jump off a train- to walk. They don't run after the bad man who has kidnapped the pretty girl- they walk. They are even walking when the cave is falling down on them and they may day.
The music is good and it swells when it should, indicates danger when it should, and shows a nice light happy feeling at the end. Unfortunately, dramatic, swelling, suspenseful music will not make for a suspenseful moment if the characters don't act suitably scared, brave and yet with trepidation.
This movie left a lot to be desired. Do not fall for it. The cover looks great, it sounds exciting and yet it is not."