Pat Morita Plays A Villain While Pandora Peaks!
Mike King | Taunton, MA United States | 05/08/2004
(5 out of 5 stars)
"Pat Morita plays the international crime boss known as Kane. He hires six teams of assassins to kill federal agents Donna Hamilton (Playboy Playmate Dona Speir) and Nicole Justin (Playboy Playmate Roberta Vasquez). Playing against type, Pat makes for a very convincing villain. Also playing against character is the gorgeous Ava Cadell, who normally works on the side of the federal agents. In this film, she plays the hottest assassin of them all, who makes putting on her clothes sexier than most strippers taking off their clothes! Erik Estrada plays agent Richard Estaban in the finest acting performance of his career. Playboy Playmate Cynthia Brimhall plays agent Edy Stark, while the super sexy Carolyn Liu is Silk, Kane's lover and partner in crime. The biggest kudos go to Pandora Peaks in her movie debut, acting under the name Stephanie Schick, who plays agent Atlanta Lee. Her love scene with some dude under the world's smallest waterfall is undoubtedly the film's highlight. The majority of this movie involves the successive teams of killers, as they track the agents from Hawaii, to the desert outside of Las Vegas, to the bayou country in Louisiana. While this film strictly adheres to the Andy Sidaris formula of "bullets, bombs and babes," the stellar cast makes it the best movie Andy ever made."
The Bod Squad
J. H. Minde | Boca Raton, Florida and Brooklyn, New York | 06/13/2005
(4 out of 5 stars)
"DO OR DIE is another sunshiny, laugh out loud installment in the ongoing Andy Sidaris magnum opus of Bullets, Bombs and Babes.
This time around, the babes, aka super secret agents Donna Hamilton (Playmate Dona Speir) and Nicole Justin (Playmate Roberta Vasquez who has an endearing habit of staring wide-eyed directly into the camera) are hanging out in Hawaii when they are targeted for assassination by the not-quite inscrutable Oriental mystery man Kane (who else, ha ha?) played with very un-Arnold-like glee by Pat Morita. This movie is sort of like "Dial Mr. Myagi For Murder." Get it?
After capturing the girls, Kane advises them that he has hired six death teams to kill them. Then he lets them go. Kind of a dopey thing to do if you think about it, but who ever had a thought in a Sidaris movie, anyway?
After being released, our lovely ladies immediately return to base, shed their shirts and skirts, and climb into a nearby hot tub. After several bubbly minutes of increasing blood flow to their brains and other more interesting anatomical regions, they decide to disguise themselves in fright wigs, cats'-eye sunglasses, and thrift shop clothing so they don't attract unwanted attention. They then head for Louisiana in late autumn, mostly I guess because that's Andy's home turf and he probably wanted to visit a few relatives while on location.
While on their way to the airport, the first death team shows up, and as per their description, quickly dies, courtesy of Erik Estrada, who is playing a fairly good guy in this movie (even though Donna keeps kicking him out of her personal space). He blows up a helicopter, which is de rigeur for a Sidaris production.
Everybody then makes tracks to the Bayou, where a very pretty redheaded Playmate Cynthia Brimhall is putting Clifton Chenille and the whole Zydeco motif to shame by dancing around in her lacy white undies and singing a really bad song at some tacky cowboy bar.
Lingerie and all, the good guys decide to go for real down home Cajun food at Big Pine Lodge. The gumbo, shock of shocks, turns out to be poisoned, courtesy of another death team made up of the two cooks from that old Bugs Bunny "Antoine of New Orleans" cartoon. At least they act like those guys.
It's good product placement in theory, but I don't know if the owners of Big Pine Lodge should be thanking Andy or not for his culinary endorsement.
An Oscar-losing but incredibly stupid chase scene follows, wherein the good guys and bad guys are running around through the woods detonating explosives, uttering assorted "Ohs," "Nos" and "Get 'ems," and trying to avoid each other on camera. There's a tremendous amount of pointless shooting and yelling. It's a classic moment in film history. If you believe DELIVERANCE to be the non plus ultra of cinema, that is.
Considering this is supposed to be a battle between secret agents and contract killers, nobody hits a thing. No wait. I'm wrong. Somebody dispatches a duck. Whoops.
An interesting sequence then follows. New agent Atlanta Lee (played by actress Stephanie Schick whose nom de plume is Pandora Peaks and certainly deserves it) and some man not wearing pants have a soft core love scene together under what appears to be either the world's smallest waterfall or a leaky pipe. The scene is irrelevant to the rest of the picture, but then again, the picture is irrelevant to the rest of reality anyway, so you might as well sit back and take it all in.
In the end the good guys win and Pat Morita hangs his head in shame, which is what he should have done after THE NEXT KARATE KID. And to think Hilary Swank was in that one. Score one for Darwin.
Besides the entertaining and mindless main feature, the DVD has several installments of "Film School," where the Sidaris family proves that despite the two bit acting, cruddy dialogue, and nonexistent plotlines of their films they are deadly serious about quality production values. If you are interested in how movies are made, and made well for that matter, don't miss the extras here.
Utterly chaotic and enjoyable comedy!"