needstobuyabike | Chicago, IL USA | 01/17/2004
(4 out of 5 stars)
"If this film took itself seriously at all, we would have a problem. Luckily, this is the type of cheesy b-movie fare that one can sit back and enjoy. Everything about it is absurd and it revels in it. The film starts out with a cop swindling some drug dealers. He gets chased after they get wise. The car chase is actually pretty decent but there's an added bonus: It changes from raining to not raining randomly. Of course the cop catches hell from his boss (a character named Hugh Janus) as he's the rogue-ish type. However, it was the cop who was being chased. How can that be his fault? Luckily, it doesn't matter in the least as the consequence is a transfer from the LAPD to Hawaii. Cut to a scene of expository dialogue. We soon find that a sorority is having its reunion on the Big Island. The bad-boy cop finds his new partner appealing. How do we know this? Because he fantasizes about her swimming! They must now find out who is bumping off the sororstitutes before all of them bite it. It shouldn't be too hard given that all of the clues point exactly to one person throughout the entire film. Through a series of events too stupid to recount, the killer is apprehended, or is he? Or is she? Or are they? The dialogue is better than say, Matrix: Revolutions but it isn't anything exceptional. There are a few decent jokes ("It's pretty thin." "Yeah it's downright bulimic.") to pass the time between sex scenes and lunacy. The sex scenes are in no way erotic to anyone other than a fifteen-year-old male but like the rest of the film, they're fun. One of them features a woman who walks like an android trying to walk sexy but the program isn't quite right so it comes off as terribly awkward instead.This films showcases; people who get bloodied and bruised for no good reason before a car chase; cops who can't hold guns; a family of revenge-driven psychos; gratuitous blood in one scene; name-dropping of b-film legends; and sorority girls on a five-year reunion. Sounds like a winner to me. The plot twists in this are as predictable as VH1's playlist yet in the last few moments the nonsense starts to pile up in a lovely fashion. Each further twist to the film induces a groan but also a grin, as does much of the dialogue. It's a pretty bad film but a great guilty pleasure."
Worthless, thought i'd see horror not porn
Andrew Hoiberg | denver, co | 10/31/2006
(1 out of 5 stars)
"this movie wasn't scary at all, except seeing how old the women look just 5 years out of college. there was one 'reunion' shot where there were some like 60 year old women, luckily they didn't show their breasts. plus, enough with the strangulation, horror movies don't have stranglers dressed like ninjas. i actually checked this out from the library and found myself wondering who does the movie selection for them. i probably would have liked it if i'd seen it on skinemax when i was like 15."
Probably the worst movie i ever seen in years
X. Liang | 12/25/2004
(1 out of 5 stars)
"this movie is totall junk, bad act, bad plot, bad actress, even the nude and sex scenes are annoying. this tile should go directly go tho garbage can. keep your money and stay away from this crap."
Final Examination puts the s,u,c and k in suck
Izzie Norkin | Flotown, SC | 11/24/2003
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Self castration would be preferable to viewing this masterpiece of suckedness. You are sure to sustain massive eye injury due to the vicious amounts of eye rolling required to endure this horiffic tragedy. So please, before viewing this muck, blind yourself with hot fireplace pokers. You'll thank yourself later. Fred Olen Ray should be required to take hours off his lifespan and return them to the victims that suffered this calamity. Only would that I could express how much I loathed Final Examination."