A gritty exercise in utter futility
Daniel Jolley | Shelby, North Carolina USA | 07/09/2005
(2 out of 5 stars)
"Actually sitting down and watching a Paris Hilton film is about as wild and crazy as I get. The Hillz really isn't a Paris Hilton film at all, though; it's just a film that she happens to appear in. I don't think the Oscars are going to come calling at the Hilton estate any time soon. The really sad thing is that everyone else in the cast is even a worse actor/actress than Paris. I might mention the fact that Paris actually keeps her clothes on in this movie - although her funeral scene attire was a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.
Oddly enough, this film could have been OK; all it needed was a decent writer, a decent director, a decent producer, a few decent actors, and some decent film quality. Since The Hillz has none of those things, it basically does a complete cannonball into an empty swimming pool. If I didn't know better, I would think Eminem wrote the script. The Hillz is basically all about a group of white, nouveau riche, teenaged hooligans who embrace a life of crime. In high school, they are just bored, no-good juvenile delinquents - and the cops are no better than they are. After high school, though, every policeman within 100 miles of The Hillz obviously left town because Duff and his gang of hooligans and thugs beat people up, sell drugs, use drugs, and murder people in cold blood - in broad daylight. There is apparently no community watch group in The Hillz because it's sort of hard for a whole neighborhood to not notice anything suspicious when a gang of kids cursing at the tops of their lungs start blowing each others' brains out in the middle of the street in the middle of the day. Gorehounds, I must say, will be disappointed because we hardly see any blood whatsoever. The characters themselves hardly even notice when Duff has one of his episodes and spontaneously takes somebody's head off - although one character does utter the words "uncalled for" in the wake of one of the murders.
There are trace elements of morality in this dark story. A couple of the main characters walk away from the gang after the killing starts, only to be sucked back in (one way or another) before the credits roll. The narrator is supposedly some guy who learned his lesson and is looking back on what happened to him, but he's just as dumb as Duff. If this is some kind of morality tale, it's not a very good one. The narrator guy happens to be madly in love with Heather Smith (Paris Hilton), even though she's self-centered and superficial (Paris wasn't exactly forced to act out of character for this film). Paris doesn't really bring a lot to the actual story, but she (unlike her equally untalented co-stars) can generate sales. When Paris Hilton is about the only thing going for a movie, you know it has some real problems."
Rent this, and your friends will probably "cap" you
MK | Düsseldorf, Germany | 05/21/2007
(1 out of 5 stars)
"*minor spoilers (not that reading them would help you understand this film)*
Narrated from the perspective of pseudo-protagonist Steve 5 (Jesse Woodrow), "The Hillz" is one of the more recent cinematic enterprises attempting to illustrate (invent?) a particularly sad genre of American culture: that of young, bored, and rich white men seeking to acquire "street cred" by adopting a philosophy consisting primarily of women, drugs, death, and money. Steve, his pal Duff (Rene Heger), and some toadies lead a pointless existence as children growing up in Beverly Hills. Driven to hedonistic pursuits, wanting for nothing, and lacking any moral compass, the film follows these friends as their lives deteriorate around them. It seems that pampered affluence is helpless to prevent one's slide towards a violent death in the `hood.
*end minor spoilers*
My obsession with obtaining "maximum value" from my purchases is to blame for my watching of this disaster. I feel compelled to watch as many movies as my cable company (and my personal time) allow, as long as they are selected only from the "free on demand" group of films. Occasionally, this practice unearths a gem I would not have viewed otherwise. More often, I find myself trapped in the midst of a stampede of inappropriate musical timing, terrible acting, nonexistent directing, miscast after miscast, and writing which suggests English was the screenwriter's third language, as in this film. Unfortunately, that is not the limit of my cinematic pathology, for once I begin a movie, I cannot "just turn it off." I have never walked out of a movie. I have never paused a movie to listen to something one of my many now-ex-girlfriends was saying. I even sat through the entire travesty otherwise known as "The Postman" (the Kevin Costner one), at the same time a particularly raucous party was occurring in my own residence!
Compared to this movie, erstwhile horror-schlock tripe like "El Chupacabra" acquires depth. It is an extremely sad thing when the talent of Paris Hilton is the only thing that rises above the putrefied morass making up most of this film's content. Well, perhaps "rise above" is a generous designation for her almost invisible contribution to this film. There is really no conceivable reason for anyone to view this movie. Even if you harbor such unimaginably bad taste in women so as to lust after Paris Hilton, please spare your damaged psyche further pain and "Google-image" her, instead. Halfway through this movie I wondered if I was perhaps the victim of a grand practical joke, and "The Hillz" was really a subtle parody of Hollywood's glorification of rich, impotent fools masquerading as young thugs. Alas, the viewer realizes that this movie indeed attempts serious-storytelling, before time and again reverting back to inanity, random deaths, and ho-hum bursts of pointless violence.
This film makes the similarly-themed and mediocre "Havoc" seem downright monumental. Not even valuable as entertaining B-movie "so-bad-it's-good" fare (a la "Night of the Comet"). Avoid at all costs, if you value your soul."
D. Benson | 03/25/2005
(1 out of 5 stars)
"This is the worst movie that I have ever seen!! Paris Hilton sucks as a actress. I fell asleep 4 times during the movie and couldn't wait for it to end. Don't waste your money buying it."