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If You Only Knew
If You Only Knew
Actors: Annie Corley, Dayna Danika, Alison Eastwood, Robbi Firestone, Tina Horii
Genres: Indie & Art House, Comedy, Drama
PG-13     2000     1hr 47min

After accidentally setting fire to his apartment--and revealing that he'd kept a cat in a no-pets building--Parker (Johnathon Schaech from That Thing You Do! and The Doom Generation) needs to find a new place to live. Tem...  more »


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Movie Details

Actors: Annie Corley, Dayna Danika, Alison Eastwood, Robbi Firestone, Tina Horii
Genres: Indie & Art House, Comedy, Drama
Sub-Genres: Indie & Art House, Romantic Comedies, Love & Romance
Format: DVD - Color
DVD Release Date: 10/24/2000
Release Year: 2000
Run Time: 1hr 47min
Screens: Color
Number of Discs: 1
SwapaDVD Credits: 1
Total Copies: 0
Members Wishing: 1
MPAA Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Languages: English
Subtitles: Spanish
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Movie Reviews

Need a Marilyn Monroe
Terran | Sunny CA USA | 03/22/2006
(3 out of 5 stars)

"Admittedly the lead character has a run of bad luck: he's working for a "fake" psychic 900 line (and a friend of mine is working for one of these, so I know they're not routinely fake) after getting fired from his journalist job, and then his apartment goes up in smoke after he falls asleep with a candle burning. He sees a woman in a shop he is immediately attracted to, but she turns out to be his prospective roommate, and the reason why he's a prospect is because he's been mistaken for being gay. (All that sensitivity and a certain naivete on his part has led to the necessary misconception to get the plot going.) So "meet cute" doesn't automatically correspond to cute couple, as he wants to live in the apartment and be close to her, so that necessitates his pretending to be gay, rather than risk getting tossed out. Alison Eastwood and Jonathon Schaech are the leads, and there are problems right there, with the casting. Alison Eastwood has one quality right that serves the production; there is a common earthiness to her, she could easily be mistaken for "white trash," and this coarseness works for the part. You can imagine how a straight guy would automatically make her his object of desire, unlike a cold and blandly wholesome type blonde like Kate Hudson, who could have been considered for this same role. Hudson is better at keeping a man at bay rather than drawing him in thru a combination vulnerability and earthiness as Eastwood embodies. What is wrong, however, with Eastwood's casting is she is an extremely limited one-note actress, with a nasal voice. Without finesse in comedy her dialogue scenes fall flat, especially since her voice itself is flat and nonexpressive; she is far better as a physically expressive actress, especially in scenes in which she is attired the way Marilyn Monroe would have been. In fact, in another time, this would have been a perfect Monroe feature, and she would have been able to handle the comedy. Much more experienced co-star Schaech is quite good here, but there is a loophole in the screenplay that has the physically gorgeous actor strangely lame when it comes to women (the guy can't seem to get a date), though gay men find him attractive (maybe because the occupancy of the pool is slimmer pickings?). But even Schaech has no real funny moments, which means the direction is at fault, as a comedy requires a certain lightness which is missing here. He's also as an actor very talented, and certainly leading man attractive, but lacks the star quality of a big name movie star (Cruise, Roberts), which is why as a film actor he still falls below the radar (a fate shared until recently with actors'-actor Christian Bale "Batman"). Sometimes only a star's charisma can save a production. The only true hilarity in the film comes from the invented character of "Boris" (and it's over-the-top, neatly out of place in this film), a friend of the lead pretending to be a gay boyfriend so girl roommate will stop setting up pretend gay guy on gay dates. But not everything else is bad: there is some sweet bonding going on between the leads, their friendship, based upon a misconception (his being gay) which allows them to have a freedom to explore each other as people rather than potential romantic contrast. As well, he is able to feel relaxed around women in a way he's never been before: the conflict isn't there, as there is in normal straight woman-straight man sexual awareness. And the straight man pretending to be gay is interacting with more gay men, which also allows his own self-awareness and self-confidence to strengthen. The soundtrack is forgettable, except for a bar scene where the lead singer is impressive. But the screenplay doesn't know whether it wants to be a gentle comedic exploration of male-female bonding or should be more traditional comedy of errors, which involves more loud, outrageous happenings. So I'd recommend a rental on the film, rather than an outright purchase, unless you're a fan of either Eastwood or Schaech and require the personal copy to sit on your shelf. It will get watched, it's not a bad film, but it's not as good as it could have been: the screenplay was trying to do too many things and the direction was heavy-handed, and the film required a Monroe, and there doesn't seem to be one out there. (And I'm not a Monroe fan, so that says a lot from me.)"
Cute and Romantic - Definite Chick Flick
Hopeless Romantic | USA | 08/03/2004
(5 out of 5 stars)

"This was a cute movie. If you're looking for something deep and meaningful, this is not it. If you're looking for something lighthearted and entertaining, then it's definitely worth watching. I have several gay friends, so certainly enjoyed the humor in the movie. I've even had a crush on a gay friend and would have loved to have him tell me he wasn't really gay! In a way, this was kinda like watching my own fantasy play out! This was such an enjoyable movie that I'm definitely adding it to my collection."
Excellent Film
Marty Poole | CA | 12/07/2000
(4 out of 5 stars)

"I finished "If you only Knew" with a smile on my face. Unlike the big bugdet, fomula commercial films out today, this film actually had heart, combined with a story that anyone who's ever cared about someone can relate to. Allison Eastwood, like her Pops, has real acting chops. The additional cast was right on target, bringing the film to a level you seldom see in an independent film. David Snedeker's direction rocked. His vision captured the essence of the story without being intrusive, cleverly using the camera as the tool of observation. Highly recommended, spend the three bucks."
They Go Down In Comedy History With This #1 Classic Routine!
Marty Poole | 01/04/1999
(5 out of 5 stars)

"Ever wonder what helped make your favorite comedian so funny? You need wonder no more when you see the Masters ( Abbott & Costello )at work, on a play on words. Your sure to laugh harder then you ever have before if you've never seen this Classic. If seeing it again, your going to laugh even harder when you catch the physical comedy you may have missed the first time you saw it. Old time comedy is seen every day on our T.V.'s, ask any of the top stars, and they will all mention Abbott & Costello, or this Classic routine. Whats in a name? That depends what base he's on. Did he make it to practice today? I Don't Know! HE was warming up bright & early this morning. If you still don't have a clue what I'm talking about, just sit back, and get ready to LAUGH, Till You Can't Stop!!!"