Poop....it was for dinner
C. Christopher Blackshere | I am the devil's reject | 06/26/2009
(3 out of 5 stars)
"Think you've seen it all? You don't know Jack Schmitt!
For those of you creepy disturbed perverts who had a brainfart and thought this piece of crap was a good idea, I'll serve it up for you.
This is MONSTURD, and yes it's about a creature made of poop. An escaped convict (asstutely named Jack Schmitt) dies a mysterious death in the city sewer.
Of course there just happened to be some shady experiments going on at the nearby genetics research lab, and an ill-fated mishap contaminates the sewage system. And yep,(poop)is gonna hit the fan.
I know what you're thinking--a big walking, talking pile of nasty excrement sounds like some yummy entertainment. Now, this movie does drop a nice cheesy stinkbomb in your face. But in some regards, MONSTURD just passes gas.
This is mainly due to the lengthy attempts at plot and character development. We don't need 45 minutes of anticipation and attempts at building tension. Especially with this bad acting and poopy dialogue. Just quickly shower us with filth & depravity! Plus a turd rape scene would have been a welcome treat.
I did love the bumbling cops ductaping themselves with diapers(body armor) and filling their Super-Soakers with Pepto-Bismol. Plus, how often do you get the chance to see a giant turdmonster? Good sick times!
Overall, this is moderately recommended for adults with crappy-awesome tastes in film. You might wanna drop the kids off first though.
Everyone Poops--"Monsturd" is a Bowel-Churning, Stinky Lark
K. Harris | Las Vegas, NV | 12/04/2006
(2 out of 5 stars)
"Let's face it--if you've plopped "Monsturd" into your DVD player, you can't be expecting "Lawrence of Arabia." What you've got here is a low-budget endeavor with a clever premise and a catchy title. Anyone not intrigued by a film entitled "Monsturd" undoubtedly has no business watching this--and I'm sure they'll be grateful for that. For the rest of you sickos, the title is the most clever thing about this movie.
The plot, as if it matters, concerns an escaped killer who is gunned down in the sewer after a chemical spill has contaminated the drainage system. Covered in waste, he soon develops into a monster of excremental proportions. Intent on continuing his murderous ways, this walking pile of waste is as merciless as it is odious.
As you might expect from a zero budget film, "Monsturd" has terrible acting and cheesy effects. Ultimately, I wanted to root for this little film--but the writing just isn't as funny as you might hope. After viewing this cinematic treat, one of my friends turned to me and said "you should write a film." I don't know if he was implying that I would also produce a pile of dung--or if he thought I could easily pen something more humorous. For it would have been easy to make this a terrific B-movie--but "Monsturd" relies too heavily on its premise and not enough on pithy dialogue.
Lacking the sophistication and wit of a high-concept B-movie epic like "Killer Condom," I should probably rate this film at 1 star. But, you know what, it's walking poo! That has to be good for another star, doesn't it? If this film sounds like your ideal date movie, by all means, check it out. But be forewarned, "Monsturd" is an acquired taste--or is it a smell? KGHarris, 12/06."
We need 1,000,000 flies
A. Brown | Jonesboro, AR | 11/27/2009
(5 out of 5 stars)
"I am a b horror fan, and I enjoy movies that are especially cheesey and tacky. This movie is awesome. When Jack Schmidt falls into a pit of radioactive chemicals that causes him to turn into a feces monster,the fun begins. He is living in the sewer and traveling through the pipes to attack people while they are on the can. The police try to warn the townspeople, but they want to have their annual chili cook-off anyway! If you love cheese, bad acting, and good laughs check this one out! The sequel Retardead was pretty good too."