Snakes On A Submarine
brownie | ca | 06/22/2009
(4 out of 5 stars)
"Silent Venom: DVD Review
Alright--so the plot isn't that original. Ever since Snakes on a Plane (Widescreen New Line Platinum Series), there have been numerous rip-offs, from Snakes on a Train, to this movie, Silent Venom. The title should be Snakes On A Submarine though--that's all the plot really is.
Luke Perry (90210) plays a retiring submarine captain. For his last mission, he must take a decommissioned submarine to Okinawa, Japan. But on the way he has to pick up some scientists on a island, along with their cargo. And it's not very long before some dumb crew member gets curious, and opens up the cargo...Letting 20 highly venomous snakes loose. And then later in the movie, 2 giant genetically engineered snakes get loose too.
Sounds like a typical Sci-Fi channel movie. (I'm surprised--it actually isn't.) Silent Venom has it's fair share of cool scenes, but I just wish the giant snakes would be in the spotlight more. (They're probably not because of budgetary reasons....) Even though the giant snakes are just CGI (really bad CGI), they still look laughingly cool. Alas, they are seen only in the first minutes of the movie, and the last part of the movie. For the rest of the movie, it's just regular snakes loose on board.
I did like the way they didn't make the regular snakes CGI though. Although it looks rather bad when the giant CGI snakes and regular snakes are together, it makes the movie more believable. (Vipers should have used real snakes too...) The only other problem with this movie is something other people have mentioned before--the actors are all to serious. For a movie called "Silent Venom" (I didn't know it made noise before?), the actors need to loosen up. They all look like they just want to collect their money and get out of there. The only one who even looked remotely believable has to be Tom Berenger, who plays an Army Lieutenant. All the others should just realize that this is a campy B-movie, made to be fun. Seriously, I don't think a giant snake movie is ever going to be scary anymore.
Still, Silent Venom manages to be more than just decent. Although it does lag in the middle, the fake giant snake action is enjoyable to watch. The actors though, aren't.
Silent Venom... Dissonant Serenity
Julian Kennedy | St Pete Florida | 02/18/2010
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Silent Venom: 2 out of 10: One of the major plot points of Tim Burtons fine 1989 Batman rendition was the Joker poisoning Gothams household products. You see, if you used a certain combination of products, a rigor-mortis like smile would appear upon your face.
I am bringing up the Jokers nefarious scheme for two reasons.
A: To avoid talking about Silent Venom; this film is a horrible example of the Giant CGI Snake Monster genre. A genre itself, which is travelling into the abyss at a remarkable rate of speed; all the while new Giant CGI Snake Monster movie releases seem to be increasing exponentionally.
B: I was hoping for a rational explanation of what is wrong with actor Krista Allen. Now Krista is still popular among a legion of Sci-Fi and B movie fans. Whether that is due to her competent performance as Tully in Feast, or perhaps young lads overhearing his Grandfathers discussion of her charms in Emmanuelle 3-7 The Space Years; (It was the early nineties, a different time. Men wore pants shaped like parachutes and won Middle East Wars in a matter of weeks. )
Krista Allen did something to herself. Facing forty in a year or two, she either pumped up the lips or raised the face or something. Whatever it was, it went wrong, very wrong
She is smiling now. No really, it is now her only emotion. No matter what the scene she has, that silly grin is plastered on her face. She could be reciting the end to Steel Magnolias and she would still be standing there, grinning like a loon.
In addition, Kristy Allen does not show her tits. Normally I would not mention this; but she is a former Emmanuel, and boldly announced during the film that she is going to take a shower, only to never follow up with an actual shower scene. In addition, and let us face this sad truth, with that one facial expression and limited acting skills to begin with; tits are pretty much her last remaining asset.
So how is the rest of the film? The oversized CGI snakes and the puppet snakes are somewhat cute in a Puff the Magic Dragon kind of way. However, they have limited screen time. The real snakes would be scary to find in ones bathtub, but lose some of their fear factor while on screen. The plot with a US submarine in Chinese waters filled with magic snakes is well forgettable. They are no other actors of note; except for Luke Perry who acts as if he is late on a car payment and clearly wishes he were anywhere else; Tom Berenger who looks like he gained 300 pounds; and John L. Curtis who plays the XO and seems to be in a different and much better film.
Surprisingly Good Snake-Scarer
Carolyn Paetow | Proctorville, OH United States | 01/25/2010
(4 out of 5 stars)
"No bimbos, buffoons, or half-bare boobs. No trash-talking teens or bellows of "Take that, bitch!" No sick gags, splashes of gore, or sexual gratuity. Just slithericious, snaky suspense, marred slightly by two oversized CGI serpents.
The performances are low-key and credible, with a nicely controlled tad of intra-command conflict and sexual tension. Mistitled Sea Snakes for the SyFy channel--instead of the more accurate (and likely) Snakes on a Sub--the movie should sufficiently titillate fans of traditional flicks that rely upon instinctive simian aversion to the serpentine instead of stock cartoonish characters and supersonic action.
I was surprised that this was a good movie.
Gregory Holmes | 10/14/2009
(4 out of 5 stars)
"Yes the CGI snakes look awful but everything else in this film is right on target. Luke Perry leads an excellent cast and they all do a respectable job in their roles. The script, while presenting a rather unlikely scenario, is not a complete insult. The directing and editing are fine and the film features a very old school music score. Perry is the best thing in the film and gets to show off a comedic side with his character (but it never goes over the top). There are a few genuinely tense scenes. If you can forgive the rotten CGI giant snakes, the rest of the film is fine. By the way, most of the snakes in the film are real, only the pair of giant snakes are CGI and the real snakes look pretty threatening. In one scene Luke Perry has to remove a bunch of them from Krista Allen and that sequence was pretty squirm inducing. All in all this was a movie that was far better than it had any right to be. I enjoyed it very much."