Michael J. Tresca | Fairfield, CT USA | 02/10/2009
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Transporter 3's lead writer (Luc Besson) has a thing for redheads.
I came to this conclusion after watching Transporter 3. I'm a big fan of Besson's science fiction foray, The Fifth Element, and all I could think as I watched the slinky, thickly accented Valentina (Natalya Rudakova) was how Transporter 3 would have been so much better if it had been Milla Jovovich in the role.
That I was distracted by the stiff Rudakova's acting is a testament to how much the film insists on zooming in on her, letting her drone on and on in her broken English, and the endless patience that Frank Martin (Jason Statham) seems to have for what amounts to a rich brat in a miniskirt and heels.
Oh right, the plot. So anyway, Martin is a wheelman who does jobs with certain rules. These are all meant to ensure success in Martin's job as a wheelman. By the time we reach Transporter 3, every one of those rules has been broken.
And that's the problem. The rules made Martin interesting. In Transporter 3, Martin has become a walking parody of himself, fetishized by the director to strip away (literally) everything likable about him, only to replace it with beefcake shots of Statham with his shirt off, whip-cut fight scenes that don't let us see his martial arts prowess, and aggravating supporting characters whom the Martin we know from the first movie would have left on the curb.
The gimmick here is that Martin can't just run away from his job because a super-advanced device is connected to his wrist that will blow him up if he is more than 75 feet away from the car. For reasons that only make sense to movie villains, Martin is forced to drive Valentina to a variety of locations, during which they track him constantly.
That's right, the bad guys track Martin's every move. In fact, the movie is obsessed with keeping Martin in the car to the point that the entire universe seems hell bent on keeping him in it. Even the laws of physics are in on this cruel joke, which helpfully bends its laws to allow Frank to do ridiculous things like drive his car on two wheels, float it to the surface using air pressure from its tires alone, and land it on a moving train.
The generic villain Johnson (Robert Knepper) is a victim of the So Bads. As in, he's So Bad that: ... he kidnaps drunk college girls! ... he shoots his own men when they asks stupid questions! ... he's helping sneak toxic waste into Europe!
That's right, uber-villains can now hit a new low: they're not just mean to you, they're mean to the environment!
The movie just spirals from there. Valentina, patently unlikable, somehow seduces Martin, who doesn't show the least bit of interest in her. Given that the ransom picture of Valentina shows her in a schoolgirl's uniform, there's at least a ten-year difference between her and Martin. Ick.
There are so many logic fallacies that you have to wonder if Besson's just mocking his audience. Statham as Europe's answer to the Kung Fu martial artist is just plain awesome -- I loved him in The Transporter and was willing to forgive the silliness of Transporter 2 -- but this is too much. Frank Martin deserves better. "
I'm still not sure if Statham can act, but who cares?
Genevieve Hayes | Australia | 02/08/2009
(4 out of 5 stars)
"Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is back and this time he is forced to transport Valentina (Natalya Rudakova), an objectionable young woman, across Europe by a group of villains who have fitted Frank and Valentina with explosive bracelets. If either of them move more than 75 feet away from Frank's car, their bracelet will explode.
Given all of the other reviews that I have read of "The Transporter 3", I went in to this film expecting to be disappointed and was pleasantly surprised when I wasn't. Although the script is not quite as good as Luc Besson's previous film, "Taken", this is more than made up for by the awesome stunts and martial arts sequences (choreographed by Cory Yuen, who was responsible for the action sequences in the previous two films). Two action sequences in particular, one involving Statham effectively performing a striptease while fighting half a dozen villains, and the grand finale on the train, are alone worth the price of admission.
One of the main criticisms that had been leveled at this film is that the heroine is distractingly ugly and annoying. Although Rudakova and Statham seem to have absolutely no chemistry between them at all and I did wonder why Frank Martin was even remotely interested in Valentina, she wasn't so annoying as to ruin the film for me. Valentina is meant to be objectionable, and keeping that in mind, I actually thought Rudakova did a good job of playing her. As for her looks, I didn't think she was bad looking, just different, and I actually thought it was nice to see someone who didn't look the same as every other Hollywood heroine.
As for Jason Statham, I am still not certain as to whether he can act or not, but who really cares. Statham became famous because of his personality and his martial arts skills and both are again on display. Sure this film is somewhat derivative of Statham's other film, in particular "Crank", but that didn't bother me, and it shouldn't bother other Statham fans either."
The Explosive Environmentally Friendly Transporter
Amanda Richards | Georgetown, Guyana | 12/21/2008
(3 out of 5 stars)
"Frank Martin: Do I look like a man who came half-way across Europe to die on a bridge?
Short Attention Span Summary (SASS):
1. Frank Martin (Statham) has his fishing trip interrupted when there's a package to be delivered. 2. This time he's wearing a bracelet that's to die for - that is, once he and his car are more than 75 feet apart at any given time 3. Not one to learn from his last movies, he proceeds to break all his rules yet again 4. His package proves to be pretty, pouty, petulant and a pain in the Audi 5. This time it's the environment at stake 6. Usual impossible driving feats follow, plus Statham gets to take his shirt off (Would you, could you, on a train?) 7. Awkward romantic scene makes you wish they wouldn't 8. Rather predictable ending
Statham wears his Transporter role comfortably and stoically, Francois Berleand returns as Inspector Tarconi, Natalya Rudakova plays said package, while Robert Knepper oozes slime as the main baddie.
Good entertainment if you're into cars, slick driving and fast and furious action regardless of plot.
Rated: 3.5 stars
Amanda Richards, December 21, 2008 "
Transport yourself AWAY from this movie
Claudia A. Peltier | 05/29/2009
(1 out of 5 stars)
"I almost NEVER write reviews. But I love humankind enough to try to save a few people. I didn't even buy this one. I rented it from the Red Box for $1. I feel SO RIPPED OFF!
This movie has NO PLOT at all. There is a 3 minute scene between the two leads talking about what they'd like to eat.
And then there's the "action" if that's what you want to call it. Everything was choreographed worse than the Britney Spears performance at the VMA's.
Why are there 30 bad guys against 1 good guy, and the bad guys always go 1 at a time?
Do yourself a favor and DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!!"
J. Farr | 03/23/2009
(1 out of 5 stars)
"This movie is another example of putting a good actor (Jason Statham) in a terrible sequel. From the beginning to the the very end this movie was unbearably bad.
Being a big fan of the original Transporter movie, I was totally disappointed in this sequel. The plot was ridiculous, the dialogue mind numbing, and the action scenes totally ridiculous.
The female co-star, a Eurotrash brain dead girl was extremely annoying. Her broken English dialogue consisted of talking about food (so annoying) and acting like a teenage brat. Even the supposeably romantic love scene was totally pathetic, and lacked any real emotion.
The action was ok, but hardly made up for the rest of this cestpool of garbage. Most of the stunts were totally unrealistic and phony. - even more so then the first two movies, imagine that!
During one fight scene, our hero gets thrown through a concrete wall and gets up without a scratch..... so ridiculous. In another scene, after the transporter drives his car into a lake to escape the bad guys, he is able to float his car back to the surface, by inflating two duffel bags with air from the tires. Yeah, thats really going to work on a 3700 lb car.. give me a break. And then after 2 minutes of tinkering with the engine of a car that was emerged under water for 20 minutes, he is able to start it right up and the car drives like new.... haha.
I paid $1 at redbox to rent this movie, and still feel like I've paid too much. What a piece of crap this movie turned out to be. Don't waste your time!"