One fair movie, three awful ones
Bud Bundy | MN USA | 03/22/2007
(2 out of 5 stars)
"Carnage, the legend of quiltface - four kids go out to the desert to take pictures of each other. A guy in a cheap Halloween mask chases after them with a machete. This movie is more laughable than scary, and I don't mean that in a good way. Quiltface is completely unintimidating, we get lots of very long scenes of people walking through the desert, and one guy spends the whole second half of the movie crying and freaking out. Might be good if you want to do an MST3K routine on it, but as an actual horror movie, it's awful.
Dead Seven - a couple of drug dealers kill a guy out in the woods and throw him down a mine shaft. A deaf mute stumbles onto the scene and they toss him down the mine shaft as well. A couple of months later, the drug dealers and their girlfriends start getting killed by a mysterious villain. This is easily the best movie of the bunch, it's actually got a somewhat interesting plot and Tracy Keijer is awesomely cute and gives us a topless scene. Tanya Dempsey looks hot as well. The movie is extremely low-budget, but at least they did something with what they had.
Hellinger - zero-budget Hellraiser ripoff. A girl's abusive father is killed by Hellinger, who is a Pinhead clone except without the pins and with a painful habit of overacting. Years later the girl is still having psychiatric problems, and her cousin the cop tries to help her. And Hellinger of course comes back. Most of this movie is just filler - a lot of these scenes don't advance the plot at all. Acting is often terrible. The lead girl is good looking and gives us a topless scene. There's a guy who's covered in tattoos from head to toe and we get him nude a couple of times. Good grief. There's also a brutal rape which is portrayed very graphically. The climactic special effects scene actually made me laugh out loud. Overall, this one is pretty lousy but it is possible to sit through the whole thing.
The Night Owls - four girls go to a house and spend a week talking, sunbathing, and talking some more. One girl starts getting very religious and interested in ancient myths. She eventually turns "evil" and goes after the rest of the girls. Acting is the worst I've seen in a while, utterly abysmal. Writing and directing are of the same quality. There's nothing like watching an "evil" person, in the climactic scene, quietly and impishly describing the whole supernatural scheme so you can barely hear her. This is the worst of the bunch as it isn't even comically stupid like Carnage, it's just really boring."