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"The Inconceivable Is About To Be Conceived!"

Robert I. Hedges | 03/28/2009

(2 out of 5 stars)

""Horror Planet" is a British piece of derivative theater riding on the coat tails of "Alien." Starting with incredibly cheap credits it has the cheesy production values you would expect from a low budget sci-fi epic from the early 1980's. It looks like half of the movie was filmed in a junior high school locker room and the other half in a salt mine. (In reality it was largely shot in some caves outside London.) The synthesizer soundtrack is particularly dated, and, therefore, entertaining.

Early on there is conversation and narration explaining that earlier expeditions to this planet were disastrous, but that, fortunately, the current expedition has uncovered a huge tomb complex to explore which can help the astronauts figure out what happened to the previous inhabitants. While exploring the tombs, astronauts find a gross mass which attacks them. (This may look very familiar to those of you who have seen "Alien.") People, starting with astronaut Ricky, go bonkers in short order, and before you know it we see a whiny female astronaut hacking her own foot off with an electric hedge trimmer. (Really.)

After a short but somber space funeral the cast gets right back to looking at rocks and walking around in caves. There is a very lame alien-eviscerating-astronaut scene (realism is not one of the strong points of the film), after which the accompanying female astronaut, Sandy, is kidnapped to be used for nefarious illicit activities. (Yuck.) After Sandy becomes "with alien" the flashbacks start in earnest, and she goes on a rampage which is modestly (though not very realistically) gory. There are a lot of fights and lots of screaming. Judy Geeson, an actually quite talented actress, proves that when so instructed she can shriek as loudly as anyone; this is modestly annoying after a short while, especially during the alien delivery scene. A variety of weapons are used in these fights including hammers, crowbars, a bathroom sink, and a laser pistol. What the film lacks in originality it makes up with the diversity of its arsenal.

As the plot winds down, the unpossessed astronauts kidnap the twin mutant alien babies while the remainder of the cast goes after Sandy, who is also now a vampire of sorts (though in an unusual twist on the Dracula myth, she seems to prefer to chew on the intestines and legs). I won't disclose the exciting conclusion, although once again anyone who has seen "Alien" may not be entirely surprised.

The film is entertaining in a campy way, as it is laughably bad. This is cheese with a touch of gore. It is very derivative of the genre and the plot contains few unpredictable plotpoints, but fans of early 1980's sci-fi or B-movie fans will likely enjoy seeing it once."