Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
|The Cauldron Baptism of Blood|
Actors: Scott Blacksher, Senita Deveaux, Volmar Franz, Molinee Green, Gene Paul Jones
Genres: Horror, Science Fiction & Fantasy
Bad beyond belief, yet strangely boring as well
Michael A. Martinez | Fairbanks, AK USA | 01/30/2005
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Well as someone who both acted in and worked on the crew of this movie, you'd think I'd look at it through rose-colored goggles. At least I got to be a part of history in being connected with possibly the worst movie ever made!
What makes it so bad? Well for one, the heroes of the story are only in about 3 scenes. The bulk of the running time is filled with ENDLESS scenes of rather unattractive witches dancing in skimpy clothing, and several other tedious and totally unnecessary talky bits including an American Idol spinoff and (surprise surprise) a talk show. The photography (including my some of my own 2nd unit shots - whoops!) is uniformally dire as is the full-on BLAMMO stadium lighting, obviously real-time editing (with plenty of video dropout and generation loss), and extreme over-acting. For a horror movie, there is curiously little gore (only one person is killed by the witches, and even that isn't graphically shown).
At least Mark of the Astro-Zombies had something resembling a plot. Here, the entire reason a Deus ex Machina shows up at the end is a total mystery. There's a lot of comically bad acting, special effects, and filmmaking on display, each one being so bad as to affect the next. Even normally good actors like Rusty Meyers (SILVERADO, THE ORDEAL OF PATTY HEARST) are somehow terrible here. A lot of it has to do with the silky soap-opera look through the whole film - it looks more like a local news broadcast than a horror movie.
Best for laughs for indescriminating fans of non-budget cult films - though I wonder where the cult for this one would come from. Of course Ted V. Mikels isn't going to make a good movie, but did it have to be *this* bad?"
Why don't they have a "zero stars" rating??!?!?!?
davezilla | Mesa, AZ United States | 05/13/2005
(1 out of 5 stars)
"If you look in the dictionary under "sucks", I'll bet the cover for this movie is there. Typically, I love horror, supernatural, and dark movies. This one tried to be one, but failed miserably. I noticed since the dawn of easy DVD, that there are many, many horrible film companies that should be imprisoned for pawning such bad crap on the world. The film quality looks like Joe Shmoe filmed it with a camcorder. The special effects are much, much less than special, and I've seen better acting at my 6 years old's school plays. This movie was a real turd and anyone who was even remotely involved should hide out in the desert in shame for at least a decade. Single words to describe it are in the vein of: Sucks, sucktacular, crap, crappola, craporama, and the like."