Search - The Convent of Sinners on DVD

Fast forward review

Nobody | 07/13/2006

(2 out of 5 stars)

"A proper wic (women in convent) flick should at least contain lots of nudity of course, plenty of nun-to-nun action, flagellation to drive those bad stains on the soul away, and then something extra, maybe a nice inquisition scene, with a nubile nun stretched on the rack while some robed dude sits at a bench with a feather pen taking down her confession. Oh yes, and I haven't met a nun yet that didn't enjoy taking a long soapy bath with another nun, and maybe helping each other out in cleaning those hard to get places. And since the nuns can hardly walk around in skimpy clothes like in a wip (women in prison) movie, there needs to be a minimum of plot so they can dispose of those bulky penguin costumes as frequently as possible to keep the NTRL factor up (nudity to total running length).

So how does this awful (in any other context) film stack up? Well, it starts with a bang, an R rated semi-rape with carpet grabbing, and then swings right into a nude convent entry scene of the "victim", who's apparently been told, "get thee to a nunnery", I guess, I had the sound off. Can't say much for the underwear, I'd have preferred some thorns, but you can't have everything.

A wasted putting the new girl to bed scene follows, a little self-examination in the hall, and then we're right into a bathing scene, but hey! It's a dude, that's not right. Never mind, because for some reason two young topless nuns get their backs striped, and it's not bad, but could have been more graphic. Then we get a proper bathing scene, although the darn nun hood she's wearing kinda spoils it if you ask me. Well, let's go to bed, eh? Only, another lez scene is wasted in the young girl's room, no fair.

A scene of penguin kissing follows - is it just me, or would you prefer nun lez scenes to have less clothes? - but it's wasted when one of the lezzer nuns gets sick, or something. Darn it, that's three wasted opportunities for action. We get a self-flagellation scene, but it's kinda short and not graphic enough (at least it's mono topless), and then one of the nuns (with the darn hoods it's hard to tell which one) cops a self-feel while sniffing a stable boy's clothes, but even though he's in the next room, another sex opportunity is let go.

Finally we get a really proper multi-nun bathing scene, fine except for those darn hoods, don't they ever wash their hair? Must get kind of greasy under there. Another bedroom lez scene comes up short, a little foaming at the mouth follows (no, I don't know why) and another self-flaggelation scene that's also too short and doesn't show the back, that's breaking the rules in my book.

A decent multi-nun whipping scene follows, but again no back shots, and then . . . nobody expects the Spanish inquisition! Some church dudes show up and let the torture begin. They inject her with holy water, somewhere down there, and . . . hey, where's the confession? There's a brief nude apre-lez scene, also not fair, and then some trial plot, wherein the young nun takes off her clothes, flops on the ground in front of the judges and it ends! Dang, no marshmallow roast.

They should re-title this film "Interruptus", the whole thing is a series of lost opportunites. All the basic wic ingredients were there, and it failed miserably to take advantage of them. The best I can come up with is three sleaze stars for nudity, abuse and lezzing, with one redacted in revenge for ending up with blue stones. In spite of the multiple sleaze scenes, it just never kept you interested long enough. It's also kind of expensive for what you get, not sure I can recommend it at all."

Pretty Disappointing

R. Jacobson | Minneapolis, MN | 07/14/2007

(1 out of 5 stars)

"I bought this based on Joe D'Amato making "Images in a Convent" which has to be the HOTTEST movie ever made. "Convent of Sinners" completely misses the mark. It starts off on the wrong foot with a stepfather raping his daughter and that is why she ends up in the convent. (I don't get it either.) She wants to leave, but they won't let her because she is possessed by the devil. (I don't get it either.) It tries to appeal to Catholics, but there is too much nudity and implied sex for that, and shows priests lying to save their careers and nuns conspiring. It tries to appeal to porn addicts, but there is too much history and religious overtones to satisfy us. The one good scene of a group bath is brought down by a ranting Mother Superior. I keep thinking I got the wrong movie. If you're still watching at the end this is about some real person who is not a Saint yet. (I don't get it either) I wish I had not got this one. Don't waste your time or money on this one. It's such a disappointment after Images in a Convent."