Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
|Diary of a Cannibal |
Actors: Trevor Parsons, Jillian Swanson, Michael Barbour (II), Danielle Petty, Jacqueline Page
Director: Ulli Lommel
Genres: Horror, Science Fiction & Fantasy
Horror meister Ulli Lommel's depraved tale of a modern-day cannibal is inspired by a real-life case of a woman who murdered and consumed her lover - liver and all! - in a strange act of consensual love. They met on the Int... more »
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Reviewed on 4/8/2009...
If I could give this movie negative stars, I would. Seriously, I think they spent more on the cover art than on the whole movie combined. (Which, by the way, is extremely misleading. There's cannibalism, yes, it's not the blood-thirsty, teeth-snapping type the picture suggests). And not that low-budget movies are necessarily bad, but there's absolutely no redeeming value. In addition to all the crummy lighting/shooting, there's very little story, the "characters" (If you could even call them that) are dull as dirt, they play certain clips over and over ad nauseum. . . Ugh, I don't even want to think about it. This is, literally, the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. If you want to watch it to make fun, there's A LOT to make fun of. . . Terrible, terrible movie. I didn't realize they could be -this- bad.
1 of 1 member(s) found this review helpful.
Oh no .. Please don't. I want 80 minutes of my life back.
Browchay | Luxembourg | 04/23/2007
(1 out of 5 stars)
"All I can say is don't rent it, don't buy it and if you're unlucky enough to be somewhere when it is being played (Train, Plane, Ship etc..) just gouge your eyes out and stick pencils in your ears.
I've been trying to think of words that describe this rubbish, please feel free to pick from any of the following !!
terrible , inexcusable, dire, tiresome, atrocious, unpardonable, awful, mind-numbing, intolerable, excruciating, unbearable, agonizing, painful, indefensible, lackluster, boring, appalling, dismal, grim, calamitous, catastrophic, disastrous, dreary, tedious
If I've missed something please feel free to drop in some other words that describe this rubbish, but shame on you if you actually sat through the film after reading this !
Really, all joking aside, don't waste your time. Ulli Lommel should not be allowed to make movies, he should not be allowed anywhere near a camera, motion or otherwise.
Heed my warning !!! You have been told !!
Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful
Earthgrrl | 06/06/2007
(1 out of 5 stars)
"I'll watching anything horror related, but this was truly painful. Terrible direction, the worst editing, an awful soundtrack and wooden acting. Save yourself! Keep browsing."
Patrick T. Grady | Palatine, IL | 09/11/2007
(1 out of 5 stars)
"If you've had the misfortune of seeing this "movie", you know what I'm talking about. Supposedly based on a real life crime, this is the story of a couple that meets on the internet and fall in love. In order to achieve true together-ness, the boyfriend decides that that girlfriend must literally eat his heart. So, after thinking about, she decides to do just that. Later, she's arrested and severely beaten by immates who had been paid off by her boyfriend's mother. Dying in the hospital, she re-tells the who story to a pair of detectives.
There are so many problems with this movie. While the premise sounds vaguely interesting, it seems like the writers and directer simply could not flesh it out. The movie is loaded with the same shots shown two, three, or four times. Other times, there are extended scenes where the girl, after killing her boyfriend, simply does nothing but walk around or ride around town on a scooter. Maybe the filmmakers could have used the time develop the backstory and try to figure out A) Why the boyfriend would want to do this, and B) why the girlfriend would agree to it. At one point, the boyfriend simply throws out the idea of eating his heart, and when his girlfriend recoils, it suddenly dawns on him that his girlfriend must not love him. What?!?! Then, deciding that she really does love him, she agrees to the plan. Again, what?!?! I mean, I love my wife and child, but being eaten by them does not seem like the best way I can prove my love. We don't really learn anything about the backstories of these characters except that the girl's father died when she was young and that the guy's mother really loves him. In fact, we see flashbacks of the mother telling her son this and hear voiceovers from the father to his daughter, from letters he wrote her before his death from some disease. Neither of these things add anything to the story nor do they explain the motivations of the characters, unless the boyfriend took mom's "I love you so much I could eat you up" quote literally.
Another problem is the direction. The pacing is awful. The movie crawls along at a snails pace. The story is told in non-sequential flashbacks, which isn't really a good way to tell a story. Every time the audience returns to the hospital room where the girl is telling her story, the scene is shot in a blurry, shakey style which, I suppose, is supposed to mirror the girlfriend's state of mind but it really annoying to the viewer.
Lead actress Jillian Swanson is so awful it defies explanation. She shows zero emotion. She has the same expression throughout the whole movie and seems extremely uncomfortable in front of the camera. Lead actor Trevor Parsons is slightly better, but he's not good.
There is absolutely nothing to recommend about this movie. It doesn't even qualify as "so bad its good". How this movie ever got made, much less released, is a complete mystery to me. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!"