Search - Exploitation Cinema: Cemetery Girls/ Vampire Hookers on DVD

Wonderful presentation for two average flicks

trashcanman | Hanford, CA United States | 10/08/2008

(3 out of 5 stars)

"First off, there is no film called "Cemetery Girls" here. The first film is the immortal Paul Naschy's "Dracula's Great Love". I don't even recall there being a cemetery in it. In fact, it would have made a much more fitting title for the second film on this 70's exploitation double-bill, "Vampire Hookers" where the vampires are not really hookers. How hard is it to check the title of a movie before you put it on a DVD and release it? Oi vey. Also, if you are going to title a film "Vampire Hookers", one expects the vampires to be hookers.

When you put this DVD in your player, you're greeted with coolness. You find yourself in a mock theater choosing to either go to the concession stand which is where you can choose a scene -I'd have thought it'd be special features-, the theater itself to watch the whole shebang, or another "employees only" cutting room where you can watch the bonus trailers -I'd have thought it'd be the select a scene. These guys have a hard time putting out a proper DVD. Upon entering the theater you have the option of watching the individual B-movie of your choice or you can enjoy their rip-off of the Tarantino/Rodriguez format used for the cinematic release of their wonderful "Grindhouse" collaberation. You get a heapin' helpin' of old-school trailers for 70's cinema trash like Chain Gang Women, The Velvet Vampire,and Hell on Wheels interspersed before and after the feature presentations. Wonderful. This is how all of these double-feature DVD's need to be done.

Okay, first on the chopping block Cemetery G....er, I mean "Dracula's Great Love". Word to the wise: if your carriage breaks down in the middle of nowhere and you find a lonely mansion on top of the hill and Spanish horror legend Paul Naschy answers the door in formal wear, just walk away. They can rattle that sheet metal to sound like thunder all damn night; I am not going in there. Naschy's turn as Dracula himself starts out promising, but turns into stupidity during the home stretch. I'd seen it before, and remembered I didn't like it, but at the hour mark I couldn't remember why. You had the usual stable of 70's exploitation girls (my favorite!) who would just as soon whip their top off and make out with each other as look at you being seduced and turned into undead succubi. So far, so good. Some really great-looking vampire effects, plenty of sex, blood, and violence, a baffling opening credit sequence that is a loop of a guy who got hit in the head with an axe falling down a flight of stairs shown over and over for several minutes. So far, so good.

Ah, right. This one is ruined by the cliche most responsible for turning decent vamp flicks into drek: the reincarnated lost love story. BOOOOOOO!!! The corny echoing telepathic voice Drac uses over the last third didn't help either. Also, Dracula should never, ever under any circumstance cry onscreen. To quote The Boondocks, "that is very not gangsta!" The whole resurrect Dracula's daughter angle was worthless, the picture quality is horrifyingly inconsistent, and the supposed love story is a joke. The ending is awful as well. Still, the exploitation force is strong with this one and I would recommend it to the sort of people who watch this stuff (sickos, the whole lotta ya!). There are some really outstanding moments in the film including a scene where the film is shown in negative which looks quite amazing actually and creates quite an eery contrast. Dracula is shown early in the film releasing a rabbit from one of his traps. Turns out, it wasn't because he's such a nice guy; he sets the traps for those damned hobos that are always wandering around in the middle of nowhere in Naschy's films. Love that.

"Count Dracula's Great Love"- 3 stars.

"Vampire Hookers". Admit it, you're already sold. This one is actually fairly light on nudity and gore and chooses to go the lame comedy route. It follows a couple of horny sailors on leave who don't have the common sense not to mack on a woman they just saw use a urinal in the men' room in San Francisco. Funny, but come on! The two wind up in a cemetery inhabited by a group of rather likable she-vamps, an old man played by John Carradine -who clumsily replaced Bela Lugosi in several classic Universal horror movies back in the day-, and a truly unfunny buck-toothed Asian stereotype as their familiar who passes gas constantly. I could elaborate further, but I'll just say that the character was played by a Hispanic fellow and leave it at that. The Asian vampire hooker is plated by a white chick. Is it really that hard to find a Asian person who can act well enough to be in crummy B-horror flick? Embarrassing in any era of filmmaking.

Then there's the fact that aside for the fact that the Asian vamp picks dudes up to bring in for supper the girls aren't so much hookers as they are a bunch of blood-sucking girls (though blood is not all that they suck; more on that later) hanging around in a cemetery complaining that all they drink is Bloody Marys and they can't get a suntan. Amusing, but also LAME! So these "Cemetery Girls" as I've taken to calling them hang out in see-through nighties with their flatulent familiar and old man Carradine and don't do much else. Then for some reason they decide all three girls are going to bang one of the sailors for a really long time and there's a very long sex sequence that is actually just a collage of shots of him having sex with each girl individually, even though they are all supposed to be in it together. When three horny vampire girls (much less vampire hookers) are getting it on in my bed, I would expect some pretty wild stuff. I've seen crazier stuff from mainstream Hollywood. This looked like pure romance; loving and tame. Hey, at least there's nudity, even if the girls never take their panties of the whole night. Vampire hookers my aZ$. Honestly, though, I wouldn't change the title because then I'd have to change that unforgettable theme song which will be stuck in my head until the end of time.

"Vampire Hookers. Vampire Hookers. Blood is not all that they suck; cuz they're vampire hookers..." Hope it's on iTunes.

2 1/2 stars

As far as double-features go, I'm sure you could do worse. The women are plentiful, beautiful, can't keep their clothes on, and usually wear something see-through when they bother with them at all. "Dracula's great Love" is worth a look if you're into Naschy or Dracula flicks, and "Vampire Hookers" is an awful film that damn near makes it to "so bad it's good" status but is good for at least a few laughs. I love the Grindhouse presentation and hope to see more of it in the future. But used more competently.

3 1/2 stars overall rounded down for being damn near incompetent.
"

Weak Vampire Double Feature

James Simpson | USA | 01/04/2009

(2 out of 5 stars)

"I certainly knew what I was getting into when I purchased this nonsense.....and how!

The packaging is decent,and the special features are neat including various trailers to other Grindhouse classics,and the Lobby menu is worth a laugh.

The films are far from great and not the best in Horror-sleaze.

The first film is "Cemetary Girls",which is a bogus title since the feature is actually the frequently available,"Dracula's Great Love(1973)" with Paul Naschy.
It's an interesting,but far from good Spanish Horror film,with a group of people stranded at the castle of you-know-who and becoming victim.
Dracula does fall in love in this one,being played by the miscast Paul Naschy,is unique in being the only movie Dracula that does himself in at the end,via a Stake through the heart.

The print is the best available on DVD currently and worth your time,if your a fan.

Vampire Hookers(1979) has a great title,just too bad the film dosen't deliver on it.

Apparently a comedy this movie tells the tale of two dull-witted sailors on shore leave who come across a Vampire Harem owned by a vodka guzzling John Carradine,who captures one of the sailors who gets into the most boring vampire orgy with all the vampire chicks i've ever seen.

Not very funny and pretty boring,with too much talk and a surprising amount of inappropiate flatulence humor to not exactly reccomend it to anyone but the committed masochist.

If you really need a good vampire film from the period seek out Count Yorga-Vampire(1971),Blacula(1972) or Grave of the Vampire(1973) or even the arthouse classic,Daughters of Darkness(1973),because these bloodsuckers are rather anemic,folks.

Still nice presentation,huh?"

Vampire Hookers

Bartok Kinski | Prague | 08/04/2008

(3 out of 5 stars)

"Cemetery Girls
Like a lot of '70s European horror movies, the film suffers from laggard pacing and a somewhat muddled plot. But there's lots of gothic ambience and a few creepy moments here and there to keep things interesting.

This film is one of the Spanish vampire narratives, starring Paul Naschy as Count Dracula. This is considered to be his better performance as a vampire - Naschy having played vampires in other movies. The setting of an old sanitarium is very atmospheric, together with the ill at ease things which go on there. Four unwary young women end up having to squander the night there, three become vampires, the fourth becomes Dracula's lover.

Vampire Hookers
This movie is significant watching just for the theme song. If you are a collector of B horror movies or like to watch 'em late at night you must see this movie. Most John Carradine movies are inferior and this is for sure no exception. This gem is complete with bad voice overs, below par acting and a Super Bad orgy scene. This movie is farcical and it's one of the worst movies your little peepers will ever view. Seriously, this needs to go in any B Horror movie accumulation."

Drive-In Movies...now called Grindhouse Movies

The JuRK | Our Vast, Cultural Desert | 10/30/2008

(3 out of 5 stars)

"How can I give these movies three stars?

First of all, I knew what I was getting into: I grew up on these movies. Back in the 1970s, they were called "Drive-In Movies" because, in the days before VHS and DVD, that was the only place you were going to find these movies. I actually acquired a poster of CEMETERY GIRLS from an old movie theatre willing to sell posters to me.

I need to dig through my stuff to see if that poster is still with me. Mainly because I don't think there was ever a CEMETERY GIRLS. It looks like a generic poster cooked up by the loud, cheap producer from Tim Burton's ED WOOD since both of the films on this DVD had been released with that title. According to [...], three 70s horror flicks are known by the title CEMETERY GIRLS (the third was THE VELVET VAMPIRE).

The first movie is a Spanish Dracula movie called DRACULA'S LAST GREAT LOVE or something. Cheap bad horror film, cheesy sets and costumes, the brightest reddest blood you'll ever see, campy voice over...and hot babes. My only regret is that the hottest babe was much more shy in front of the camera than her co-stars.

The second movie is VAMPIRE HOOKERS. Definite emphasis on comedy. You'll recognize Trey Wilson (one of the sailors) from RAISING ARIZONA and EIGHT MEN OUT.

What I really enjoyed most from this DVD was the previews and the authentic 1970s intros ("And Now Our Feature Presentation"). Wow, that really took me back. If you feel like going back in time, then this DVD isn't too much for that."