Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
Biz | 09/15/2008
(1 out of 5 stars)
"The top of the box for this DVD states that this is a cult classic."Cult classic". Maybe, we need to examine just what exactly a "cult classic" is. I always thought a cult classic was an underground movie that never was accepted by the mainstream but was reverred and celebrated by a select few. Cult classics are often too extreme or weird for the mainstream but are usually well made and have original and entertaining premises. But maybe I'm wrong because "Female Slaves Revenge" does not fit my critera for a cult classic. Its an extremely bad movie, its not entertaining, its poorly made, poorly acted and the plot is disjointed. Nobody likes this movie not even a guy who enjoys cult classics like myself. This movie belongs in another catagory called garbage. And thats exactly where I will put it, in the garbage."
Easily Ted V. Mikels' Worst Film; In Serious Contention For
Robert I. Hedges | 04/28/2010
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Originally released as "Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice," "Female Slaves Revenge" (or "Female Slaves' Revenge," depending on which packaging you buy) is as bad a piece of garbage as you are ever likely to see. I generally like Mikels' wacky low-budget movies (e.g. "The Worm Eaters,""Girl in Gold Boots," and "The Astro-Zombies") with their otherworldly plots, convoluted storylines, and abysmal acting, but I draw the line at "Female Slaves Revenge," a film with absolutely no redeeming values, social, cinematic, or otherwise. In this one Ted is a quadruple threat, as he not only wrote it, produced it, and directed it, but he stars in it as well. If you elect to go against my advice and watch this, brace yourself, you're in for a really unpleasant ride.
The box bills this film as "Ted V. Mikels' Cult Classic" but there is nothing classic (or classy) about this movie, cult or otherwise. When you put the disc in the player you are immediately confronted with the most primitive menu in DVD history. If you foolishly decide to watch the movie, the appalling production values start immediately with Ted standing up and bloviating about how the picture deals with "man's inhumanity to man" (really,) after which we get a lot of stock footage of rhinos and elephants interspersed with a map of Chad. There is a really (really) long and ponderous scrolling written explanation setting up the film, and some equally plodding narration: "The events you are about to witness could actually have taken place." Well that certainly has the sound of authority. Essentially, in an unnamed country in Africa, landowners have been mistreating slaves under apartheid, but a revolution has occurred making the slaves the masters and vice-versa. Ted, who is only known as "Landowner" throughout the film, stays behind when most of the former oppressors (including Ted's wife) have the good sense to leave the country.
It will not surprise you to discover that this is simply a revenge picture masquerading under the veneer of an anti-apartheid film. The former slaves quickly capture Ted, and despite abundant stock footage of flamingoes and the like, take him to the least Africa location imaginable. They take him to what looks like a small and cheap apartment in Culver City, though I'm betting it was in Las Vegas, Ted's base of operations. At any rate, the fact that they sit on chairs that look like they came from Pier One, and chain Ted to a dresser (?) where he is forced to lie prone on the orange sculptured carpet under the clearly African ceiling fan mounted on a textured ceiling, near the very African bent mini-blinds, all of which adds to the magical illusion that they are in deep within Africa. Ted has little dialogue, and simply writhes around on the floor in his trademark unbuttoned shirt with decorative horn necklace saying things like "You can't do this!" and "I'll give you money" while intermittently begging for his life.
The acting is absolutely the worst I have ever seen anywhere, from Ted's groveling to the ten former slave women who put him on trial. There are scant few interesting or enlightening flashbacks, but lots (and lots and lots) of shrill screaming at Ted from the women. Occasionally a title card with important textual readings comes up to fill us in on what's happening with the plot as it is otherwise fairly incoherent; those are the best parts of the movie. This film is so bad that you will be tempted to stop it in several places and watch it in parts. My advice is to take the "Band-Aid" approach (i.e. rip it off all at once in a hurry) and just get the suffering over with.
The kangaroo court is overseen by Ted's former slave Wateesa (Jennifer Dove, who is billed both as "Wateesa" and "Wateesah" in the credits not more than five seconds apart) who insists Ted address her as "Your Majesty" although her formal title is apparently "Queen-Mistress Wateesah." To ensure impartiality all nine jurors are also Ted's former slaves, with Butra (Rachel Powell) acting as the prosecutor. Lots of hammy exhortations and accusations are hurled at Ted. We get it: he was a bad man. The plot devolves to simply yelling at and kicking Ted for an hour. That's it. The question is how is this more just or humane than his actions when he was the landowner? Surely mistreatment of one person by another is unacceptable regardless of who is abusing whom.
All of a sudden from out of nowhere someone says "we shall call for the feast of the elder's crown" and the film shifts to a picnic and some ridiculous "tribal" dancing at what looks to be a community center in Las Vegas. This is simply painful to watch. During the time of the elder's crown shindig several of the women visit Ted for some quality one-on-one kicking and screaming time. In other words more of the same with fewer cast members present. In the most ludicrous subplot in the movie Sister Mary Ellen, a nun, brings Ted a drink. We know she's a devout religious figure due to four subtle traits: first, she starts by talking to Ted about prayers and forgiveness; second, she is wearing a nun's habit which in this case is represented by a black sweater and a white handkerchief on her head; third, she gives Ted poison to drink; and fourth, she too starts screeching at Ted about how he tormented her people. So, in other words, she is actually "Imposter Sister Mary Ellen." Believe it or not, that is actually how Patrease Ashley is credited at the end. Honest.
To say that this film ends as you expect it to (Ted found guilty) underscores the pain of getting to the end. This is certainly one of the worst films I have ever sat through, and I found it almost impossible to endure, not because the troubling material of apartheid policies was uncomfortable, but precisely because such an important issue was treated in such an inappropriate manner. Ted gets sentenced to death by trampling by high-heeled former slaves while bongos play in a loop on the soundtrack. Ted plays bongos, so maybe he recorded them. If so, they are his best contribution to the project.
This whole mess is ill-conceived and executed. The cast consists of nobody you've ever heard of (other than Ted V. Mikels) but includes Sandra Young as Belahsa, Zia Brunner as Sellahlie, Helen Sellers as Raybutta, Delvera Spears as Etrosef (the only one to vote "not guilty" and point out that Ted had often treated them well as their master,) Viola Brown as Petrinah, Starlita Burton as Fleurlilli, Beverly Spears as Wishtofti, and Suyen Mosely as Suhya. Mosely is also credited as the "Vocalogist," while F. Abayomi Goodall gets the credit for "Dancer-Choreographer Victory Dance," and Ulysses Palrose gets another dancing and African drum credit. The amateurish closing credits roll while the originally titled song "Anti-Apartheid" plays, although the sound is so poorly recorded and reproduced that you will be unable to understand most of the lyrics. I'm sure they were very moving, much like the final line of the credits: "Special Thanks John 3:16" which is, of course, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." That is a beautiful and moving scripture but has nothing in particular to do with this movie, certainly nobody in this film exhibits any compassion or forgiveness, and, in fact, go out of their way to do the exact opposite.
"Female Slaves Revenge" is an absolutely odious abomination. A sensitive and serious exploration of apartheid has all the makings of a moving and sobering film, but this has neither the sensitivity or gravitas to deal with an extremely difficult subject, and I absolutely could not recommend this film less. While I normally like Mikels' work, this is way beyond the boundaries of acceptable taste, not to mention good filmmaking. Avoid this at all costs."
Worst movie ever
D. Goodell | Maine | 02/22/2009
(1 out of 5 stars)
"This is with out a doubt the WORST movie ever made. Don't make the mistake of being misled by the description on the cover. My husband is now forbidden from ever buying movies with out me present.