Search - Hell Behind the Bars on DVD

Fast forward review

Nobody | 06/06/2007

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Oh goody, a WIP (women in prison) flick that I somehow missed. Okay, let's get right to it and run it down, shall we? No reason to waste time on plot or anything.

So, right past the titles we have a little interracial fisherman sex with a lady with decidely weird Janet Jacksons, that haunt the rest of the film. Right away we get a shower scene . . . oh never mind, male without female, 1/2 star demerit, if this even rated a 1/2 star. Hey, I don't make the rules, I just score the flicks. Then there's some plot and we're immediately in the middle of some kind of prison courtyard watching a cat fight that pantyhose lovers will enjoy, only all the (female) prisoners are wearing street clothes, kind of the opposite of Franco's take on these things. Oh well, we do get some normal appearing breasts at least in a half-decent shower scene, but unfortunately also JJ's weird hooters as well. Those things spoils every scene they're in. Then the evil warden messes around with a rule breaker, and little bit of the juice, some unorthodox cavity searching, but we could do without all the clothes, the chick wears her blouse and skirt throughout. Then we get some warden lez action, but it never gets full frontal or anything. More plot and we get m-f action, nude but brief and mild, it comes back later, not sure what was going on there, I had the sound off. Then there's some JJ lez action which thank goodness cuts out before she takes off her shirt. Plot, plot, and then evil warden beats a girl, but fully clothed and very fake. Fresh fish gets felt, and we get some prisoner lez with tip grinding close up that ends up with a lot of tongues flopping around, and . . . oh no, fresh fish being attracted to JJ's distorted paps, gross. Then there's more plot and we get the doctor's exams, but nothing happens, that's not fair, you know what he's suppose to examine in these things. More JJ unfortunately follows, m-f (with a male guard?) while one of the inmates gets all worked up listening outside, and we get some carpet rubbing. Geez sweety, I'm surprised you were turned on, I was repulsed, and actually fast forwarded through a sleaze scene, and I just kept the finger right on the button through yet another JJ m-f scene. How could they think we'd want to see this chick anyway? I mean, she's just ugly, woof. Then there's an inmate being drowned in gunk, fully clothed, what promises to be a shower scene but whiffs, JJ tied up and given a shot (make it be poison, please?), then after a bunch of plot an unfortunately live JJ hacks up an inmate in a coffin (don't ask). Is this ever going to end? Yeah, with JJ herself in a coffin finally, but the rest is just plot.

I don't know, the required WIP stuff was pretty much there, but all mild and brief, not near enough nudity to rate and with the presence of those weird mammaries, zero basically. The minimum amo star to post."