Search - Holla! If I Kill You on DVD

"What's Red, Smelly, And Can't Make A Joke?"

Robert I. Hedges | 08/26/2010

(1 out of 5 stars)

"I decided to watch "Holla! If I Kill You" because it was co-directed by Mark and John Polonia, kings of the extremely low-budget B-movie. I should have just burned my money instead. Unlike some of their unintentionally hilarious but always dreadful films (e.g. "Preylien," "The Dinosaur Chronicles," etc.,) "Holla!" sets out to be both funny and scary and succeeds at neither. You can make an interesting movie on a low budget (look at J. R. Bookwalter's early films,) and while I didn't expect high art from the Brothers Polonia, I didn't expect something this dreadful either.

The story follows a comedian, Hollaback (Mike Troy Smith, whose comedy act revolves around endlessly yelling the word "Holla!" at the bored audience,) who was once at the top of the game, but now can't get a laugh and is constantly booed offstage. He has the worst act in history, and he becomes jealous of more popular comedians like Michael Africa (Kareem Green.) These comics and the people surrounding them start being murdered, and despite the total lack of tension, the movie wants us to suspect Holla, even though Holla's creepy, clingy, stalking would-be girlfriend Rose (Mia Davis) is the only person in a position to actually commit the crimes, a point that gets painfully obvious at the end of the film, yet the filmmakers persist with the illusion of suspense.

The acting is beyond terrible (Davis is particularly dreadful as Rose,) the comedy material is almost unwatchable, and the murders are unscary and provide the unintentional comedy of the film. While I didn't expect much from this, I thought it might be amusing as a budding camp classic, but some bad movies are too bad to be good and this is definitely one of them. If you want to see better movies (a relative term) by Mark and John Polonia, check out the bargain-priced four DVD set titled "Galaxy of Terror" instead of this abomination."