Search - Satanic on DVD

Jefferson N. from BLAIRSVILLE, GA
Reviewed on 8/27/2013...

This is a real bottom-of-the-barrel horror film...Not because it's not gory enough or it's too sleazy with no plot. It's just the fact that the director has no idea how to use exposition! And there is FAR too much in this film.

Probably sensing that he didn't have much of a film here, Dan tried to drag in a bunch of cult horror film stars to get some attention to his project. It doesn't really help. Nothing is more noticeable that a good actor surrounded by bad ones. It doesn't rub off on the amateurs, just makes their lack of skills more noticeable.

Let me try to get to the movie itself. In this one, a woman is involved in a car accident that kills the only other man in the car. When she awakens in the hospital, she has a severe case of amnesia and her face has been horribly mutilated. Her doctor (Angus Scrimm) reconstructs her face and tries to help her remember who she is. When people start getting murdered in the hospital, she is sent to a halfway house to live with a sleazy director and his holy-rolling, con-artist wife. James Russo is actually pretty funny as the sleazebag director...But his off-the-wall performance is hindered by, you guessed it!, exposition! Apparently Dan Golden has no idea how to "show" things, and just has them talked about ad infinitum. Anyway, people at the halfway house start getting murdered and the girl, Michelle, begins to blame herself because she is having nightmares about her dead father and demons and has found she possesses a Ouija board and journals on her Satanic experiments. But, is she right, or is something else going on here.

Really, the only thing I can think of good to describe in this cesspool of boredom is the lovely Eliza Swenson...She tries to rise above the bad actors surrounding her and is extremely easy on the eyes. I guess Dan Golden figures if he throws in a few nude scenes with an astoundingly beautiful actress, no one will notice how boring the exposition is. It's a pity this good of an actress is stuck in a crap-fest like this, but everyone has to have a few to their credit. Just a shame such seasoned veterans as Jeffrey Combs, Angus Scrimm, and James Russo had to do garbage like this at this point of their careers. All-in-all, if this movie had a better director, it could have been average. With the one we get, you have to really be a collector of the name actors, or really want to see Miss Swenson's lovely body, to torture yourself with this one.

1 of 1 member(s) found this review helpful.

Rent it if there's nothing else to rent

Horror-Fanatics.com | 04/30/2006

(2 out of 5 stars)

"I feel very obligated to watch just about everything with Angus Scrimm and Jeffrey Combs, so when they're together in a movie you better believe I'm going to check it out! Annie Sorell who plays Michelle, is a minor (even though she's in her late twenties) and is placed in a halfway house for problem children after a car wreck where she developed amnesia. She is plagued by visions of her dead father and has a fancy looking ouija board that was in the car with her during the time of the accident. Michelle tries to understand her past and why she is being tormented by her horrible visions.

The acting was really quite horrible, but I did enjoy the performances by the house mother. Eliza Swenson, a sexy redhead, played a pierced out problem teen and she was very entertaining as her character Dalia. The teens in the house go about their day to day business and Michelle has visions and everyone keeps telling her to forget about them because nobody really cares. But she does damn it, and she?s going to get to the bottom of it!

The twist at the end of the movie was really unique, but the story was just not really there. I wasn't interested and I didn't care about any of the characters. I didn't even care how it ended. If there's really any reason to check this out here's the short list; Angus Scrimm plays Michelle's doctor, Jeffrey Combs shows up a few times as a cop to investigate, Eliza Swenson's [...] and the most humorous (and by humorous I mean worst) fight scene I've ever seen between our main character and her body double. Rent it if there's nothing else to rent, or if your curiosity gets the better of you."

One and a half stars, this is possibly the worst movie ever.

Logan Peterson | Wichita, Kansas | 05/31/2006

(1 out of 5 stars)

"The only reasons this movie gets 1 and 1/2 stars is because it has Angus Scrimm from the Phantasm movies in it, and because Annie Sorell is gorgeous. Other than that, dont even bother with this movie. The acting is atrocious, the story is horrible, and the only thing that really carries this movie is the shower scene where you get to see Annie nude, plus Angus Scrimms acting."

0 STARS: This joke of a movie tries to be clever but falls f

HorrorMan | The Marsten House | 03/08/2007

(1 out of 5 stars)

""Satanic" is about a girl who is involved in a horrible car accident which destroyed her face. As she recovers, a doctor (who must be a magician because no plastic surgeon could have done what he did for this girl) basically recreates this girl's face into a beauty queen's. There are a couple of problems though. First, this girl doesn't remember anything except for the fact that she may have done something horrible before the accident. The viewer is constantly subjected to her stupid flashbacks of her father right before and during the accident.

"Satanic" attempts to be cute with a twist toward the end of the movie which is actually very unsatifying for the pure horror movie fan. This movie leaves with that all too familiar "I wish I hadn't wasted my money on this garbage" feeling. The twist is both illogical and ridiculous! I'm just "SO SCARED" of the villain in this horror movie!! LOL!!

I will not give it away, but the best decision would be not to view this garbage at all as it is a total waste of your time and money. "Satanic" is very pedestrian in scares and has just about zero value as a horror movie. In short, there is nothing scary about "Satanic" except for how much it sucks. "Satanic" is a very forgettable movie-watching experience, at least as far as its merits as a horror movie are concerned."