Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
|Star Wars The Force Awakens|
Actors: Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley
Director: J.J. Abrams
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Nancy D. (lavalkry) from ARLETA, CA
Reviewed on 1/14/2017...
This is less a review more a bitch-fest. If you have yet to see the film and want to like it do not read this.
If, like me you Love New Hope, Empire and Jedi; and tolerate Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith and you are looking forward to the next one so you can catch up with Luke, Leah and Han this might be of use to you.
This movie made me so mad my head all but exploded. Essentially, they took the script from A New Hope; shuffled the scenes, altered the characters to fit the new dynamic, gave them new names and added a few new players. Other than that, it’s the same damn movie.
1) A Jedi is hiding out. He blames himself for failing his apprentice
2) A droid holds information vital to the Alliance
3) A desert planet is searched to obtain the droid
4) A girl is sought and questioned in connection to the droid
5) The Hero wants no part of the girl’s quest but helps anyway
6) Han Solo can’t catch a break
7) The Alliance needs a Miracle to overcome an overwhelming weapon
8) A new Jedi comes into their powers
9) They have inside information
10) The Millennium Falcon has a bad negative power coupling
Because I know Episodes 4-6 backward and forward the story was so predictable I knew exactly what would happen next (major Buzz Kill) and sat in the theater and ran dialogue with the actors. Which was fun at the time. But holy cow is script writing dead now?
Now for the main characters:
Rey – The orphan who apparently raised herself from the approximate age of five with crazy ninja fighting skills and who can out fly seasoned fighter pilots. How did she obtain these mad skills whilst scavenging in the unforgiving desert to pay for her daily meal?
Fin – The Hero (?) A lose compilation of the Han Solo character. Full of heart and drawn to the heroine despite his sincere desire to be elsewhere - right now due to the equivalent of a price on his head. He provides a lot of fun and most of the histrionics, but displays none of the characteristics necessary to fulfil the hero role until suddenly he is a tower of strength.
Han Solo – Oops we already have a Han Solo
Kylo Ren – Who I assume is supposed to be the dominant antagonist; is an EMO Darth Vader wanna-be with Daddy issues. And this one is inexcusable - They made me laugh at him. Not once but twice. In the moment, it was fun but let’s grab some reality (in so far as reality applies to fiction) How seriously can we take a villain who is the emotional equivalent of a toddler? His subordinates don’t even take him seriously. Grand Moff Tarkin this kid is not.
Now lets talk about supporting characters
Princess Leah – What the Hell happened? Leah was supposed to grab Han by the epaulets and raise a brood of kids. Most of whom raised hell and frustrated their parents at every turn; while Maw and Paw Ketteling their way into the future. One kid? Estranged? And Leah stood for that? Not in my universe. Han would skip out occasionally, adrenalin junkie remember? but no force on earth can keep them apart for long.
Poe Dameron – I bring him up because he is (coincidentally?) another Solo-esque character. One who embodies the spirit of Han better than Fin does and who, frankly stole every scene he was in.
Admittedly I’m pissed off because they killed off Han Solo. But what really T’s me off is:
They killed Han Solo
The completely ripped off the storyline from A New Hope
They Killed Han Solo
And while they tacitly acknowledge that Han Solo is the best part of the franchise - they had THREE incarnations of him – The original, irreplaceable and endlessly endearing - Fin the un-willing hero who emotes with the best of them but makes a much better foil than primary - and Poe the dashing smart-mouthed pilot who could have convincingly pulled off the hero role but was inserted as ….uh idaknow the charmbag who takes a licking and keeps on ticking? And they killed Han off anyway. Morons! Now Who’s gonna lead?
And did I mention they killed Han Solo?
Now for the (cinematic) dilemma. At some point I’m imagining a conversation something like this between writers.
Writer One (I'll call him Michael in honor of Michael Bay who never saw an explosion he couldn't improve upon)
Writer Two - (I'll call her Leslie because can you think of anyone more level-headed than a Leslie? Me neither.)
Michael- OK, so the Death Star didn’t do enough damage fast enough to put down the pesky Rebel Scum. We’ll make this one bigger, stronger, more destructive that it was before. Let’s put this one on a planet, build a big ‘ole world destroyer.
Leslie- How do we power this mega-destructo machine?
Michael- Duh! we’ll harness the energy we create by exploding a nearby sun.
Leslie- (giving Michael the benefit of her patented 'are you kidding me glare') How stupid do you think the audience is? I got a C- in Physics and even I know that won't work
Michael- Whaddya mean that won’t work? Shut-up it’s gonna be epic. And I know what you'r gonna say next. Man what a buz-kill. So what if the mega-distructo machine is obsolete after we blew up the nearby sun! The thing doesn’t have to actually work, IT’S A MOVIE! And Hel-lo the pesky rebels foil our demented …oops er dastardly plan anyway. Didn’t you see the storyboards? Sheese!
My advice? Skip this one and Go See “Rogue One”. It’s a stunning movie, everything I wanted and didn’t get from “The Force Awakens”. Go See Rogue One Now. You’ll be glad you did.