Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
|The Wicker Man |
Actors: Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn, Kate Beahan, Frances Conroy, Molly Parker
Genres: Horror, Mystery & Suspense
Out patrolling a California highway, police officer Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) stops a station wagon to return a little girl's lost doll. Moments later, a runaway truck slams into the station wagon, igniting it into a fie... more »
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As if an idiot was asked to remake the original.
Maine Writer | Maine, USA | 09/02/2006
(1 out of 5 stars)
"It's that bad.
I've always been enamored of the original version. Although it has flaws, it has always been among my favorite films.
This version misses virtually every important point behind the original, and is nothing more than a sloppy, stupid, and ultimately incoherent mess.
I really don't want to waste a single second more on this review. See the original. Please."
Unbelievably, spectacularly bad. You have to see for yoursel
K. Hinton | Atlanta, GA | 09/01/2006
(2 out of 5 stars)
"Nicholas Cage stars as Edward Malus, a California police officer who goes on a leave of absence after witnessing a tragedy on the job. Taking pills to soothe the effects of his post-traumatic stress disorder, Edward is in a weak place when he receives a letter from his ex-fiance, Willow, requesting his assistance in finding her missing child. She bids him come to Summerisle, a small island off the coast of Puget Sound, and help her find her daughter, Rowan.
When Edward first arrives it's clear that Summerisle isn't like other places. Quite frankly, it's the land that time forgot. The women dress like pioneers and the men--well... there don't appear to be many men around. When Edward starts investigating Rowan's disappearance, he hears a different story depending on who he speaks to. Rowan is either: not even Willow's daughter, nonexistent, dead, or soon to die. Refusing to give up, Edward delves deeper into this strange community shrouded in mystery, secrecy, and deception.
The Wicker Man is not for those who can't tolerate trash, as is pretty obvious from the other reviews. I, however, revel in how far a movie can go in its efforts to be different. And different is putting it mildly where The Wicker Man is concerned. Also, for those who can't stand needless violence, at least three women were punched in the face over the course of this movie. Furthermore, there is a scene toward the end when everyone in the village is dressed in animal costumes that made me think I might have stumbled upon an acid trip gone wrong. You've been warned.
It's difficult to put into words how spectacularly bad this film is. I honestly think you should see for yourself. Not for full price, mind you, but at a matinee or second-run theater. It's worth it for the experience of wondering if you could actually be watching something so completely out of touch with reality."
Bad Film Fans--This Is the One You've Been Waiting For!
Rascal Fan | U.K. | 10/20/2006
(5 out of 5 stars)
"Oh this film is so very, very bad--totally delicious! You've read the plot line in previous reviews, so my review is more about the essence of the movie. I saw this in a packed cinema--never has one movie given a group of people such unexpected surges of pleasurable hilarity. Everything was fine until Nicolas/Edward almost drowns and then snaps out of his trance to find a dead girl on his lap--the audience couldn't control itself from this point on--the guy in front of me was laughing so hard I thought he'd pass out. I mean, up until now, we only had Exorcist II and Plan 9 From Outer Space to enjoy bad movie-wise--but Wicker Man 2006--thank you Nicolas! Thank you Neil LaBute! The "Bike Scene" the "Rowan and Edward the Bear in the Woods Scene" the "Schoolroom Scene" the "Killing Me Won't Bring Back Your God**** Honey Scene" are all moments to treasure--I can't remember when I've seen such an excellent very bad movie--it makes stuff like Aeon Flux looks like Fellini...my dreams would come true if "Wicker Man II--the Sequel" with Nicolas Cage was announced! Nicolas Cage is at his very best--see him stare...see him punch/slap/kick many of the movie's actresses..see him wear a bear suit...see him come up from underwater with lots of hair dye running down his neck...see him shout out fabulous lines like "Step away from the bike!!!" and "Owww!!! My legs!!!" See him rant and rave and carry on like a maniac. Connoisseurs of really bad movies must see this--you'll totally love it!"
E. A Solinas | MD USA | 12/25/2006
(1 out of 5 stars)
"The star of the original "Wicker Man," Christopher Lee, said it best: "What do I think of it? Nothing. There's nothing to say."
And indeed there is little to say about this flaccid, nonsensical remake of the classic cult horror movie. Little that's positive, anyway -- the movie stumbles around blindly, trying to give itself atmosphere with hokey tricks and silly-looking cinematography. Put simply, "The Wicker Man" is a big, weird mess.
Cop Edward Malus (Nicholas Cage) is recuperating from a traumatic incident, which means he's not on top form when his ex-fiance Willow (Kate Beahan) gets in touch with him. Her child Rowan has vanished, and she wants Malus' help. And so he travels to a remote northern island, ruled by the matriarch Sister Summerisle (Ellen Burstyn).
It seems that the people there are some kind of bizarre neopagan tribe, and the women all hate Malus. The few men there are basically second-class citizens. And as Malus comes closer to finding the little girl who may be his daughter, he discovers a horrifying secret -- which is waiting for him.
Remaking anything is a tricky business, and "The Wicker Man" takes the worst possible approach -- it tries to bluster through. It has a lot to bluster about, because there's no suspense, no atmosphere, and no horror -- only a lame and unsuspenseful mystery, and a bad acid-trip finale, with lots of people in animal costumes.
To make matters worse worse, it feels like it was scripted by several different people who never bothered to consult each other. Allusions -- like Malus' tape -- are dropped. The emotional appeal is trite. The metaphors and symbolism are appallingly blatant, until you feel that Cage's character must be the biggest idiot on the Pacific coast if he hasn't clued in yet.
Director Neil LaBute obviously has no idea how to bring this celluloid Frankenstein's monster to life. So he dresses Cage in a furry costume and saddles the incoherent script with weird bee analogies and absurd dialogue ("Killing me won't bring back your g*dd*mn honey!"), apparently hoping that it will overcome the flimsy plot.
Even worse, sometimes it gets unintentionally campy or funny, when it's actually being deadly serious. The most unintentionally funny moment of the movie comes when Burstyn dramatically says, "Prepare the drone!" near the climax. You'll be rolling off your seat.
Cage himself comes across as confused and over-the-top ("How'd it get burnt?" repeated over and over), and it's hard to care whether his character lives or dies. Burstyn does as well as can be expected, given that her matriarch is a pale shadow of Christopher Lee, and a pretty silly one at that. The other actors just sleepwalk through.
Remakes are bad enough, but remakes of cult classics are simply unforgivable. It's not hard to see why this disjointed dud was a box-office disaster.
(Merry Christmas to all!)"