Subject: I have found a DVD that I think you would enjoy
|Shark Attack 2|
Actors: Thorsten Kaye, Nikita Ager, Dan Metcalfe, Caroline Bruins, Danny Keogh
Director: David Worth
Genres: Action & Adventure, Drama, Horror, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Mystery & Suspense
A genetic engineering project goes wrong and a deadly crew of mutant great white sharks goes on a rampage. Genre: Horror Rating: R Release Date: 9-JAN-2007 Media Type: DVD
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Worst shark movie I've ever seen.
Eric | 02/16/2003
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Now, keep in mind, I've only seen six shark-based movies in all. There are the four Jaws films, Deep Blue Sea, and now Shark Attack 2, which is, yes, even worse than the much hated Jaws the Revenge. Actually, not to my surprise at all, this movie rips off every one of the aforementioned films (yep, from genetic tampering in Deep Blue Sea to even all the way down to the "character at the end who should have been eaten but surfaces injured and alive" ending from Jaws the Revenge), but it's not as if though this couldn't have been a fun movie. For crying out loud, I enjoyed Octopus. But no, Shark Attack 2 is a bad movie in any way you put it. It begins with two sisters scuba-diving, and one of them is eaten by a big great white shark. Said shark is later tranquilized and placed in an exhibition in a park called Water World, of all names. Anyway, the shark escapes in a scene that still boggles me with its horrendous special effects and lack of coherent continuity. Thus, the surviving sister, a shark expert named Nick, and a Steve Irwin-wannabe set out to hunt this shark, only to discover a terrible secret about its origin.Having never seen the original Shark Attack, I can't say for sure how this one continues the story, though I'm figuring the stuff about the cancer research involving sharks has something to do with it. But all that aside, this is a very basic hunt-and-kill movie, from both sides of the field, be it sharks trying to eat humans or humans trying to kill the sharks. How hard can it be to screw such a concept up? Apparently, very easily, if you don't have the proper budget or acting chops to back a production up.The movie mostly relies on stock footage for its visual effects, which hinders continuity considering we explicity see a shark without an eye in one scene, though all stock footage clearly features a shark with an eye. For the genuine effects themselves, the sharks don't look so bad underwater, they're quite passable then, but when they surface to chomp, wow, it's like looking at a giant, shiny toy. Check out the surf competition massacre, where it's obvious they're not dragging the surfers in the water, the surfers are simply falling into their mouths.The script has an amusing tendency to get pretty trendy, especially with all the Steve Irwin and Discovery Channel references (there's even a "Cartman" imitation at one point). Even if this were a "good" movie (as good as such a movie can be), it'd date itself mighty quickly with its trendiness. The story itself has a lot of silly moments that raise a lot of questions. For one, are there really such things as glock handguns that work underwater? Would somebody really use a bomb that couldn't be disarmed? Would a couple really make love in water, especially with all the violence that'd been associated with it?When I think about it, the only thing worthy of note is that Nikita Ager bears a passing resemblance to Erika Eleniak, which means she's kind of hot. Everyone else here delivers pretty weak perormances (Ager included), and I swear, some of them even sound like their voices have been dubbed over (particularly Thorsten Kaye, whose tone of voice varies constantly like a concert band doing warm-ups). Just watch the first two Jaws movies again for fun shark thrillers."
Make your own shark movie!
cthoms | West Chatham, MA | 04/07/2003
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Much like it's predecessor and successor, Shark Attack and Shark Attack 3, this movie gives new meaning to the word terrible. It's hard to even describe how bad this movie is.However, if you were interested in making your own Shark Attack 4 movie there are only a few things that you need to keep in mind. Your movie needs to start with some sort of unexplained attack related to some strange creature that is later discovered to be some scientifically altered shark. Then you need some sort of rogue scientist who has recently been fired from his job or is of ill repute for some reason or another and an attractive scientist woman who ultimately will fall in love with this rogue scientist. These scientists must realize the eminent danger posed by the mutant shark and immediately confront some wealthy bigwig. The wealthy bigwig then must ignore the scientists' pleas in an effort to make some money on some sort water related activity. Finally after shark related deaths start occurring at that water event, the wealthy bigwig tells the scientists to hatch a plan to kill the sharks. The plan needs to involve stringing a bunch of batteries together to lure the sharks to some sort of bomb. On the eve of the execution of this plan, the two scientists have to hook up in the water. The day of the plan needs to involve a close call with the shark eventually getting blown up.So that is the format if you ever yearn to create a Shark Attack movie. However, if you find yourself with that urge, please make sure that you are one of the people eaten by the shark because these movies just need to stop being made."
I had to see it to believe it...and I still don't believe it
e5150 | United States | 08/28/2004
(1 out of 5 stars)
"I had heard about this film with roaring, growling sharks and I thought "no way would anyone try to pull a stunt like that." But the stunt has truly been pulled. It's true. It's absolutely true.
Everything you hear about this film is entirely accurate. From the growling, plastic sharks to the blatant script plagiarism of JAWS. I have seen it with my own eyes.
So, to prevent myself from having a stroke just thinking about this horrible, awful "film", I try think of it in terms of a parody. Yes, that must be it. This film is supposed to be a parody; supposed to be FUNNY. It HAS to be intentional. There is no other explanation.
The budget was clearly less than a beggar's pocket inventory (including lint), because for an era when digital effects come cheap they could only afford about 2 minutes of digital footage at the end. The rest of the time the "sharks", when not appearing in rehashed stock underwater footage (Jacques Cousteau's table scraps I assume), are motionless plastic toys. The actors have to try extra hard to convince us that they are being eaten when they are thrashing about in a mouth that doesn't move. Spielberg had better effects than this 30 years ago.
No, I am convinced this is a parody and we are MEANT to laugh. Why else, at the very end when the heroes are underwater planting their trap, would the Aussie guy--after getting out of his little submarine--pull out a FREAKIN' HANDGUN?!?!?!?!UNDERWATER?!?!?!?!"
Ty Arthur | 08/25/2007
(3 out of 5 stars)
"Fans of terrible B style horror movies may officially commence with the rejoicing, because the cliche ridden crapfest with the incredibly inventive title "Shark Attack 2!" is in fact moderately entertaining! Make no mistake; this is a terrible movie on almost every level by nearly all standard conventions of what would define a good film. The important difference between this terrible horror movie and an equally inept attempt at filmmaking such as "Zombie 5" or "Witchcraft 10" is that this movie actually manages to be amusing, and it even occasionally manages to reach that all important goal on purpose. While it certainly won't be winning any awards or generating any buzz, this clone of a clone sequel can be quite entertaining, especially if served up with a liberal side of happy juice.
Each entry in the Shark Attack series is generally interchangeable with any other, as they all follow the same basic premise and have the same types of characters. For some reason some sort of genetically engineered mutant or even naturally gigantic sharks are unleashed on poor, unsuspecting aquatic enthusiasts such as beach goers and marine biologists. Some sort of evil businessman or politician will blame the mayhem and slaughter on the constantly chipper hero, who must stick it to the man by bringing the flesh hungry underwater terrors to justice, sushi style. This particular member of the ever growing Shark Attack family faithfully follows this same story structure, and even manages to obviously steal multiple storyline arcs from the original "Jaws" as well. The basic hook in this movie is that some diabolical doctor was genetically altering sharks to try to come up with a cure for cancer. When no cure was forthcoming and the sharks had been altered into water bound killing machines, the doctor released them into the deep blue sea to wreak havoc at their leisure, primarily at an upcoming surf competition which will be flooded with all kinds of delicious surfer sized snacks. These sharks aren't just hungry, they are completely homicidal, as they will mow through surfers and scuba divers like there's no tomorrow. Once they have sufficiently killed someone, they will leave the mostly intact corpse to rot in the sea and then immediately seek out yet another human to kill. Of course, a suave and debonair hero will be required to stop the fishy menace while tossing around witty one liners.
The beefcake hero this time around is played by Thorsten Kaye, who is doing his best to channel David Hasselhoff in Bay Watch. No matter how desperate or hopeless a situation becomes, Thorsten always has a humorous retort ready on his lips and a ludicrously large grin on his face. Even when imminent death is staring him in the face, this hero is incapable of feeling fear or showing any emotion besides a mild bemusement that anyone around him is feeling the slightest bit of panic. Starring opposite Thorsten as the unnecessary and unbelievable female romantic interest is Nikita Ager, who probably got sick of being turned down by adult film directors and decided to give B movies a shot. A painfully bad montage occurs about 3/4 of the way through the film to show how this star crossed couple's love comes into bloom that is guaranteed to elicit more guffaws than any summer blockbuster comedy. Any director looking to break into the comedy genre needs to study this montage carefully and take plenty of notes.
Unintentional hilarity of this nature abounds in Shark Attack 2. During one particularly nonsensical scene, a worker at the requisite SeaWorld type aquatic wonderland ties a rope around the chunk of meat he's about to feed to a captive great white shark. Does he secure the other end of the rope to something? Nope, he leaves it in a coil conveniently next to his foot so that he can be dragged into the tank and become fish chow. Even more humorously, despite the fact that their is a whole tour crowd full of witnesses to this terrible tragedy, no one bothers to try to help the nameless worker out of the tank until after he's already become lunch. Just like the audience will be, everyone gathered around the tank just stares with glazed over eyes as this imbecile is attacked by a shark in the most improbable manner ever. Although it teeters between amusing and annoying, the voice track is worth mentioning as it is out of sync with the actor's lips. For most of the film it's just off kilter enough to be noticeable, but during the surf competition massacre it gets worse than a dubbed version of an old Godzilla movie. A woman screams out to warn the surfers of their impending doom, and then the actresses lips start moving about ten seconds later. The production isn't completely terrible in every aspect, as someone made the very wise decision to hire on the talented Mark Morgan to produce the musical score. Fans of the computer role playing game Plancescape: Torment will recognize his music quickly, as he even re-uses one of the tracks from that game in this movie.
Not only is this movie entertaining, but it is also life changing. Director David Worth attempts to teach his audience several very important life lessons with Shark Attack 2. For example, many people probably don't know that not only do sharks roar like lions when they attack people, but they also have shotgun resistant hides. Apparently it's also possible to talk wirelessly underwater with full scuba gear on, all with no distortion or loss of sound quality! Of equal importance is the little known fact that it's easy to tell evil individuals from good ones, because evil people will always end a statement with the phrase "Now if you'll excuse me..." when they are trying to dodge a direct question. Undoubtedly the most important idea that Worth presents, and the central underlying theme of this movie, is that people with cancer should be exterminated so that mutant killer sharks will stop ruining surf competitions. Philosophers and sages alike will refer back to Worth's genius and masterful ideas for generations to come.
Shark Attack 2 is a big steaming pile of crap, and there's just simply no denying that fact. It is however, quite delicious crap, and it just gets tastier if you ditch the soda and popcorn and pull out the hard liquor."